True Grit, like 1 grit sandpaper tough

I watched True Grit, one of the best films of the year. It had a PG-13 rating, which made me skeptical, but it didn't effect the realism of the film. It gets a little cute in the beginning, but once they hit the trail, it's for real. The 14 year-old girl, Hailee Steinfield, gives an incredible, career-making performance. Jeff Bridges is a near flawless Rooster Cogburn. Matt Damon is awesome as a Texas Ranger, standard. Josh Brolin and Barry Pepper are severely under-utilized as villains, but their screen time is powerful and well-done. If you don't know the story, you suck, but synopsis: 14 year-old girls Dad is murdered by a drifter who he employed named "Tom Cheney". The little girl handles the affairs of burying her father and selling some of his things to hire someone to hunt down Tom Cheney. Rooster Cogburn is an old, mean, tough, murderous lawman. Matt Damon is a Texas Ranger, Mr. LaBeef, who is on the trail of Cheney for the murder of a Texas Senator. They fight, but work together, sometimes, to hunt Cheney in the Indian territory. It's a bare bones portrayal of cowboy life on the trail and it's AWESOME. Daniels is just amazing and awesome. The only complaints would be the beginning takes too long to get going, and the music is a little off.

Bottom line: 8.8 out of 10. Another must-see film for the end of 2010.

Modern Family, it's famtastic

I bought Modern Family on blu-ray on a whim from Amazon.com for twenty bucks, I am VERY PLEASED with that one. The show is hilarious. I was laughing by myself and out-loud on Thursday while watching it. There isn't a bad character in the entire series. Al Bundy is the dad who re-marries the painfully gorgeous Sofia Vergera. She brings her strange, but funny 11-year old son Manny. Phil has two children, one played by Happy Gilmore's finest Julie Bowen, who is beautiful, and Mitchell, his gay son. Mitchell's lover, Cam, is a huge queen who is hilarious with his over-the-topness in all things. Julie is married to a lovable idiot named Phil Dunfee who tries way too hard to be cool and his kids friends. They have three children, each filling their own hilarious nitch. Boy crazed, genius and brainy, and village idiot would be the roles, each written in elegantly. The shows beauty is in the writing and the strength of the characters. They are put in great situations where their hilarious flaws shine like a Blue Dwarf. I can't recommend the show enough, and you can, for the most part, just jump in at any point and enjoy yourself.

I'm currently watching Capitals vs. Penguins 24/7 and it is severely enjoyable. The language is just staggeringly bad. Sample "This isn't going to turn into another fucking 5-0, or 7-0 fucking laugher here. I've had enough of that shit for a whole fucking year." That's form the Capitals Captain, and the coach is even worse. It's just fucking awesome. Another example, player gets hit in the face with a stick without a call. "Watch the replay, I'm not going to yell, but he hit me in the face with his fucking stick." As he's skating off "My fucking tooth is stuck in my lip." It's a great showing of what makes the NHL special and great. Hard-working, blue collar, TOUGH men.

Fistful of Dollars

Just watched a classic Clint Eastwood western in Fistful of Dollars. The "Spaghetti Western" trilogy outlier without Lee Van Cleef. Eastwood is a drifter who finds himself a real tough town with two families habitually at war. Eastwood kicks things off by asking the bartender which family is stronger, than killing four members of the other gang in classic fashion. He looks at a guy making caskets, calmly says "get three caskets ready", or something to that effect, then goes and picks himself a fight. He goes over to the cowboys, tries to make them apologize for spooking his "goat", when they refuse, he promptly shoots them all, making four dead bodies. He calmly apologizes/exclaims to the casket-maker, "Sorry, I meant four", and goes about his merry way. Eastwood eventually pits both gangs against each other and makes a huge mess of everything in spectacular fashion. I was a big fan, though I didn't really devote my full attention to it sadly. Eastwood is the quintessential western actor. He's tougher than 1-grit sandpaper and has a voice that could make a drill Sargent cry. Needless to say I'm a biased fan, but Eastwood fucking rocks.

Bottom Line: 7.3 out of 10. You're going to get your bad acting and bad sound, but the flaws are overcome by a really good story, and strong performances from Eastwood and Gian Maria Volonté, who also was the bad guy in For a Few Dollars More. Highly recommend seeing this, but NOT before seeing The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, and then follow it with For a Few Dollars More. Complete the Man With No Name trilogy and enjoy yourself.

Sidenote: I sincerely hope you view Christmas as a chance to spend time with people you love and celebrate that love.

Big Blog

Getting down to brass tacks since there's a lot to get out.

Tron Legacy: I have seen Tron, but really didn't remember all that much from it, so keep that in mind. Premise: Jeff Daniels disappears leaving his son and company behind. 20 years later his son is recluse/hell raiser/ genius, you know the type. The company CEO/ his Dad's best friend tells him he got a page from his dad last night, son checks it out and enters Tron. Tron is now a metropolis in which programs are battling it out similar as before, but there are super programs and a leader called CLU who runs things. He finds out his dad is still alive on the outside of the grid of Tron and the son has to fight in the games until he's discovered to be a USER, not a program. I was not a huge fan of the movie, but I didn't see it in 3D, which to me seems like a sure way to experience an epileptic seizure. It was weird and you have to accept a lot of things without shooting all the holes in them to pieces. If you are a TRON fan, then you have to see it, but if you aren't I really don't recommend it.

Bottom Line: 6.2 out of 10. Impressive eye candy, but really is lacking in everything else. Nothing stands out as impressive at all.



The Fighter: I was an enormous fan of this film. I had an epiphany after the film. Mark Wahlberg does a very good job in roles that are exactly like he is in real life. He can play aging athletes from the New England area for DAYS. Christian Bale, and any other great actor/actress, can become the characters that they must play. Bale plays Mickey Ward's cracked out brother Dickey Ward, pride of Lowell, Massachusetts. He does an amazing job, and Wahlberg does what he does well, playing dude's from the New England area. It's a great biopic of Mickey Ward, a guy who I've never heard of, but certainly deserves an ESPN 30 for 30. He was a promising, tough, fighter who was under the management of his overbearing, clueless, and overworked mom, and his crack addicted brother, former middleweight star Dickey Ward. Dickey can't come to grips with the fact he isn't famous or talented anymore and achieves peace by smoking crack. He's constantly late, but does work hard when he's there to make Mickey a better fighter. Mickey is being pulled away from his family by a new girlfriend and every other person on the outside looking in. Great acting throughout and a very good story make this a fantastic film.

Bottom Line: 9.4 out of 10. It is a must-see if you are a sports/drama/good movie fan. It's a great story and it's well-done. My only real complaint was the boxing was done at 50% speed, which might not be all that noticeable, but I really thought it was. Besides that, it is really awesome throughout.

NFL: Jaguars got smacked around like Ike Turner's wives by the Colts. The fact that they have no passing game was highlighted. Any team that stops MJD, stops the Jags offense. They really need him to be involved in the offense, if not through running the ball, then through screens, or SOMETHING. Mercedes Lewis is the best downfield threat. Mike Thomas and Simms-Walker are not good NFL wide receivers. The defense is nothing special and really lacks playmakers. Sean Considine is quite possibly the worst starting safety in the NFL. Watch the Colts TD's and his failure directly results in most of them. He is fucking terrible. Jags are now going to miss the playoffs, butcher another draft, and stay slightly above average for a few more years. I can hardly wait.

MLB: Brewers just swung a couple of massive trades to bring Shawn Marcum and Zach Greinke to the staff to bolster them from among the worst in MLB, to possibly one of the best. The Brewers have a team capable of pushing the best in the NL for two more years. It also opens up the Prince Fielder looming trade. Now the Brewers can shop the best possible deal, they aren't forced to get a starting pitcher. Hopefully there will be a good CF, plus a few good prospects coming over. I'm very interested to see how this plays out for the Brewers for this season, and the near future. They should be topping the NL central for at least the next two years. Now resigning Rickie Weeks becomes paramount for continued success.

UW-Whitewater won another national title, which made me realize how few people I still know in the area. It's nice to see the program continue to succeed from the team of 2003 that barely missed the playoff, to the perennial national title contender. Hard work on everyone in the program has really paid off. Special shout-out to stats director Tom Fick. The man probably works 80 hour weeks during this stretch to be a one-man wrecking crew of stats and facts for ESPN and all other news outlets. I would close out the Williams Center at 11pm after intramurals and would occasionally see his office lights still on.

More to come as always.

Broken Flowers & 30 for 30

I bought Broken Flowers for $2 from Pawn America and decided that because it had the great Bill Murray, it was worth a look.
The story follows Murray, who is a lifelong Casanova and Ladies Man, on a quest he begins after finding out one of his past lovers 20 years ago had a son that she has kept secret. The son is out on a personal quest that she believes is to find Bill Murray, who is still single, but rich from the computer industry. Murray's best friend forces him on the trip by planning it and pushing him.
First woman is Sharon Stone, husband recently died and she has a daughter who played E's lover last season who looks 14, named Lolita.
2nd on the list is a real estate agent who is married to Christopher McDonald, better known as SHOOTER MCGAVIN.
3rd is a lady who can talk to animals after the death of her dog.
4th is, I think Tilda Swinton, who lives is an old house with rednecks fixing stuff in a huge garage out front.
Not too special because Bill Murray is contained and not unleashed. Interesting a sometimes funny about reconnecting with old flames and the awkwardness and feelings that arise.

Bottom Line: 5.8 out of 10. Really not worth watching, but it's not terrible or anything.

30 for 30 was on and I watched the Pony Express, the story of how SMU received the first, last, and only death penalty in NCAA history. I learned a lot about SMU, since their best days were before I were born. SO interesting about their short history of greatness and incredible downfall. It was amazing to see that their recruiting was blatant cheating, but the simple fact was everyone else was doing it as well. SMU just wasn't good at covering up after themselves. Now the first 15 episodes of 30 for 30 are for sale on Amazon.com and I'm having a tough time resisting them. It's only 46.99, and I have not seen them all. It's just so well done, but I can't imagine myself watching the episodes over and over again. Odds are I'll be buying it at some point at a discounted price. I just love the depth that is uncovered in the interviews. I don't even care about the subject matter sometimes, but it's just so interesting and well-done, it makes it worth watching for the education.

Saints and Soldiers

Saints and soldiers is a story of four soldiers who escape after being captured during the execution of the other prisoners. The story follows them through their journey through the winter in occupied France. It's really a character study of the four soldiers and the British paratrooper they find along the way. It's pretty slow going as their isn't really fighting, or war of any kind. It's very well done for an independent war movie. It's your typical the Germans are more like us than you think type stuff. There isn't much fighting, just really small skirmishes here and there. It's PG-13, which is always disappointing for a war movie. It does stay pretty realistic despite the childish rating. It's actually very gritty and the wounds are very clearly shown for a PG-13 movie. It won the independent Spirit award and some other independent awards. It's a decent enough story. Not sure if it warranted the $2 purchase from Pawn America, but I'm going to give it to my dad as a Christmas present anyway. Pretty much a rather dreary, dark story for the most part.

Bottom Line: 6.5 out of 10. For sure it's worth watching if it gets picked up on cable or something, but don't search for it. A free Netflix viewing would also be acceptable on this one.

King of Kong

I just watched this documentary that reeks of mockumentary because of the hilarious characters that embody it. It is a story of the two best (by far by the way) original arcade Donkey Kong players in the world. THE Billy Mitchell, owner of most video game records and deity for nerds vs. Steve Weibe, school teacher and burned out musician. Billy had the record for almost twenty years before Steve shocked the world with a Donkey Kong game in his garage by posting a score beating Billy's untouchable 847,000 and some change by over 100,000. The nerd world is stood on end and insanity ensues. Steve plays at big-time arcade venues where Billy refuses to show up at to play, but he does submit a video tape with over 1 million points on it. The back and forth continues, but the real greatness is in the incredible nerdery exhibited. It's indescribable and makes this a must-see. It's free on Netflix to stream if you get down like that. I bought it for $2 at Pawn America, along with 15 other DVD's because I'm an addict. Seriously, it's like intervention-like behavior. I browsed the shelves at that place for like 1.5 hours digging through 100's of DVD's. I will they had TONS of the following: The Manchurian Candidate, all the Matrix's (especially Matrix Revolutions), and Austin Powers: Goldmember.

Bottom Line: 8.6 out of 10. I can't give it a higher rating because it's so strange, but don't get it twisted, it's a must-see

Also: Liston to Wiz Khalifa "Black and yellow" and Rick Ross "Blow Money Fast" or "B.M.F". Both are very addicting and pretty good in my opinion.

Stuff

Lebron stuck it to Cleveland and that's how it's going to be forever. LeBron was selfish, but can you really look yourself in the mirror and say I'd rather play in Cleveland with Anderson Varajao, Mo Williams, and Antawn Jamison than in MIAMI with Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade? It's not even a comparison. He was an fuck clown about the whole DECISION thing, but EVERYONE kept asking him every three fucking seconds what he was going to be doing in 2010. At least he gave the money to the Boys and Girls Club. He did him, that's what it was. He looked at the next 6 years of his life and decided that Miami was the best place to get titles... As soon as they fire Erik Spoelstra. That fucking guy is a few losses away from updating his resume.

Sons of Anarchy ended with an enormous thumbs up. It was just amazing how they wrapped up loose ends while creating very intriguing ones. Nobody kills people like FX, they are like HBO on regular cable. I am amazed what they get away with and once again can't recommend watching the show enough.

Saw the new Harry Potter, it was a 2.5 hour continuous punch to the gonads for Harry, but a good movie. It deals with a lot more emotion and actual acting with the main three than what they are used to, mixed results, but it's pretty good. I'm glad I don't know how the whole thing ends, but I am getting really pissed off with the random witchcraft bullshit that they can't seem to figure out. They teleport freely all the fucking time, but when they get into trouble they run like regular ass people and refuse to teleport? They could teleport all the fucking time, but they always fuck that one up for some reason. Harry out-duels Voldemort, yet is habitually bested by lesser bad guys. Why are the bad guys SOOOO much better than the good guys? I want to see some fucking shanking going down in the last episode to kill the bad guys. Hermoine gets held at fucking knife point with a tiny blade. If that's the thing to do just fucking do the "Epeliamus" thing that makes the wand fly out and run up on them with a bowie knife and fucking gut them. Kids movies made simple by Me.

Bottom Line: 8.2 out of 10. A very solid addition to the Harry Potter movies that is a little long and slow, but deals with a lot of the emotions and undertones from the first 6. The kids are growing up, yet they are still weak as shit for the most part.

Random thoughts, it's been too long

I really hope the Badger football team plays Stanford because playing TCU only can end badly. You either beat TCU and live up to expectations, or lose to TCU and look bad.

Badger basketball is REALLY bad looking all of the sudden. With the exception of Leuer and Taylor there isn't a player that can put the ball in the hoop with any kind of consistency. Nantkvil better pull his head out of his ass or this is going to be a VERY long season for Bucky.

Packers look very solid, even in a losing effort. I still can't figure out why Brandon Jackson can't run the ball and John Kuhn gets playing time. Whenever the Packers go into the full house backfield I want to drive to Green Bay and smack around McCarthy. That formation essentially tells the defense "We have 3 guys in the backfield that can't do shit, so two yards and a cloud of dust is best case scenario if you play base defense against it." It seems the Falcons are near unbeatable at home and will be a VERY tough out in the playoffs. Their defense can certainly be exploited as well.

The Jaguars ripped out my soul on Sunday. I wasn't paying close attention BUT noticed the Jags up on the Giants. Dreams of being AFC South front-runners at 7-4 were crushed after Eli FUCKING Manning and the dickless Giants with Tom Coughlin, a man I used to think a great deal of but now utterly despise, leading the way. With the Colts loss the Jaguars could have taken a COMMANDING 1.5 game lead over the Colts and at least after the next head-to-head meeting could survive a loss to them. That exists no more and again it seems like the Jags are doing just enough to keep Jack Del Rio's job and cock-tease the playoffs.

I can't figure out what would propel people to sit outside of a store for a few days in an effort to get a deal that you could no doubt get something similar to online, or just a few days later. Once the "DOORBUSTER" deal happens, the cats out of the bag. We know we can get whatever it is for cheap.

It's a great time to enjoy some sports. We have ACC/Big Ten challenge kicking off a great college basketball season. The football season is in the playoff hunt and blood is in the water. College football is heading into conference championships and Bowl games. NBA/NHL are both going on where you could flip on a game if you feel so inclined ANY night of the week. Pretty good time to be alive.

Bought my first baptism gifts of my young Godfather career. I went with a kids story bible and a mahogany cross for the wall. I feel pretty good about it being useful and practical, which is what I was going for. I'm getting after Christmas shopping as well, just chipping away at it. It's a pretty good time of year with the holiday cheer already in the air.

Shout out to our Veterans

There is just not enough things that can be said for the greatness of our veterans. It's a simple fact that the greatness of our nation has been proven on various battlefields across the world, the most awful being all over the East coast from 1861-1865. Without questions a large part of how our nation has been defined, shaped, even created has been through our veterans. Our way of life has been created and preserved by the efforts of men and women in our military. In a more direct route, people can piss and moan all they want, but they can't really do anything about it because of the greatness of our military.

Thanks veterans, special thanks to those who sacrificed everything for us.

Due Date

I really thought Due Date was going to be extremely disappointing and there was no way Zach G. could be a dimwit and entertaining for two hours. RDJ was his standard amazing self. He tip-toes the line of arrogant, selfish douche bag with moments where he genuinely seems really nice and decent. They are really good throughout the movie together and with a few well-placed cameos to break the repetition of two dudes hanging out together that don't like each other it clips along at a decent pace. Plot is RDJ is an uber-architect who is trying to fly back to LA to be with his super-pregnant wife who is set to deliver via c-section on a Friday. RDJ meets Zach and hijinx ensue (cue Woody Woodpecker laugh), they get put on the no-flight list and have to band together to get to LA, big city of dreams. It's very funny and actually pretty human and genuine for the most part. I wouldn't throw around money to see it again, but it is worth a viewing. Best cameo award goes to Danny McBride, you'll know what I'm talking about.

Bottom line: 7.2 out 10. Decent comedy with some memorable moments. Certainly not Hangover good, but good enough to see when it's available for rent.

Politics and Fearing the deer

So I have to say that I'm astounded that Russ Feingold is out of office. The guy is the definition of a lifer. He's been in office since I was a kid and he came at us with the slogan "I know Wisconsin like the back of my hand". He doesn't always vote the party line and is consistently praised by political analysts for being different than most politicians. Now we get Ron Johnson, a dude who owns/runs a paper mill. He complained about lawyers in office, but now we get a guy who doesn't know shit about the office and how things work. I hope I'm wrong, but there is no way Ron Johnson accomplishes jack shit in D.C. I'm honestly hoping he doesn't embarrass us on a regular basis. He will be Jon Stewart punchlines for the next 6 years I'm guessing. C-Span gold.

The Bucks haven't found their stride yet and I can't figure out their line-up configuration for the life of me. Carlos Delfino is logging a shit-ton of minutes while former starter Luc Richard Mbah-a-Moute sets foot on the floor. Delfino can shoot, that sums it up. He can't handle the ball or play defense. It's like having Spanish Mike Redd out there minus the scoring off the dribble. I'm a big fan of Jon Brockman rolling up his sleeves and getting after it to spell Bogut and Gooden. Gooden is better with the ball than I remember and as long as he's merely competent on the glass and on D the Bucks are very solid in the post. Finding playing time for rookie Larry Sanders is a different story that will be interesting and on-going the entire season. Ilyasova I forgot about and am very pleased with, it's too bad he picks up fouls like kids pick-up Halloween candy from the TAKE 1 bowl. I think sooner or later Maggette will go from super-sub to starting over Delfino. I just can't see the Delfino experiment continuing because it's not working out. The offense has no continuity and while it's nice to have a guy who can knock down open 3's off the pick-and-roll kick-out pass, he's a liability everywhere else.

Trick or Treating, you are way too old for this shit

SO, when you see a kid that's taller than you in a Jason-esque hockey mask, you know something it wrong. That fucker seemed more likely to be robbing my ass than getting candy. So other bush-league bullshit I got to watch: People pushing a baby stroller with two infants and "collecting" candy on the infants behalf. I'M SURE THE KID WITH NO FUCKING TEETH IS GOING TO ENJOY THE NOW AND LATER'S YOU FUCK'S. Also, how about a black kid going in white face? Should I be OK with that? I was, but I was confused all the same. There is an unspoken rule that anyone that's a teenager should really be hanging up the Trick-or-treating shoes. When I'm seeing you eye-to-eye, give that shit up.

Bad Lieutenant

I really don't know what to think of Bad Lieutenant. Nic Cage plays one hell of a strung out, high, crazy cop. I hate Nic Cage, but he plays a huge fuck-up really well. Very good cast, Val Kilmer, Xzibit, Eva Mendes, some people you'll recognize by face but not name. The story dives into a recently post-Katrina New Orleans. It starts as Nic Cage and Val Kilmer are yelling at a prisoner who is going to drown because Katrina is flooding the holding cell. It ends with Cage jumping into the water and a jump-cut of him at a hospital for severe back issues. His chronic back pain leads him to a life of constant drug abuse, but he's been promoted to Lieutenant. He is trying to solve a multiple homicide that occurred during Katrina that was definitely not drowning. Eva Mendes is his high-priced prostitute girlfriend who he breaks in on after she "does her thing" and shakes down the JOHN. He constantly robs people by acting like he's arresting them for drug violations and basically stumbles through life, but is hell-bent on solving the homicides. Really interesting story, very dark for the most part. It's worth taking a look at sometime and is currently ON DEMAND, or you can borrow the DVD from me as I probably won't be watching it all that often.

Bottom line: 6.8 out of 10. Pretty strong story with good actors. Really strange for the most part.

Jackass: To the THIRD POWER

I totally enjoyed Jackass: 3D. There's a bunch of dick, even more than before, but it's bearable. They are older, but not wiser. They still put themselves in an inordinate amount of danger and it's awesome. I was laughing for most of the film. Laughing, or sitting there in shock. It's pretty genius to be honest. There are incredible moments of stupidity, but the entertainment value is top-notch. I HIGHLY recommend seeing it if you enjoyed the other films/TV show. It's the best one. See if in 3D, it's pretty funny.

Bottom Line: 7.7 out of 10. Pure enjoyment, no strings attached. What better way to spend a few bucks and truly escape from everything for a couple hours?

Up in the Air, CLOOOOONEEEEEEEEEY

Seriously, George Clooney is the fucking man. It's a simple premise that is 100% accurate. That guy is smoother than frog's fur.

Now, the film review. Up in the Air follows around Clooney, an older, ultra-wise, man who fires people for a living. He is the ultimate Mariano Rivera. He is Alec Baldwin in Glengerry Glen Ross, minus the douchebaggery. He flies around the country, just axing people in a nice, positive way. He lives on the road and relishes the fact his life can essentially fit in a suitcase. His company plans on eliminating the flying and do firings via webcam. Clooney takes the new girl around and shows her the "ropes". He meanwhile carries out a relationship with Vera Farmiga (Matt Damon's gurl in DepAHTed) that works because he is his female equivalent, OR SO YOU THINK. Clooney's one goal is to get to 10 million flier miles and remain his COOL self. His relationship gets more serious, hijinx ensue, and a good movie results. It's an adult drama that really gets after the core of what relationships bring to the table. Superb acting and script make this a VERY solid movie. I understand why this was an underground BEST PICTURE favorite.

Bottom Line: 8.6 out of 10. I was a big fan and it is certainly worth ON DEMANDING it via HBO. FYI, HBO owes me some money for my ringing endorsement to the 4 people who read this consistently.

Editor's side note: Sam Elliot is in this movie, so IT HAS TO BE EPIC.

Side note rant: Every movie has 15 fucking minutes of the same trailers on it. I used to love trailers, but not for that bullshit retarded train movie with Captain Kirk Jr. and Denzel. Unstoppable will be my thoughts of suicide after watching 2 hours of trains and the dipshit, insane drama that ensues coupled with Chris Pine's totally inadequate acting. Necessary evil though, I got to watch 2 minutes of TRUE GRIT and the art of the trailer TOTALLY REDEEMS ITSELF.

Social Network, GO FUCK YOURSELF

So... You can see I was not such a big fan of the social network. My problem with being a realist gets in the way quite a bit in movies. I hated the character of Mark Zuckerberg SO MUCH, compounded by him being played by Jesse Eisenberg, that little fuck. He's just unbearable to me. His character is a complete fucking DIPSHIT and I can't fathom anyone being so fucking dumb. Everyone in this movie is fucking dumb. Premise: computer genius makes up a website that compares two girls together illegally on Harvard's campus. He gains fame for being a computer guy and two rich guys and their resident computer guy pitch him an idea of match.com only with Harvard students only. Mark gets hired to make it and he instead spawns facebook. Facebook takes off and he gets rich by being retarded in all business aspects and screwing over his best friend, meanwhile befriending colossal fuck-up Sean Parker (Napster dude.). SIDENOTE: JT is the fucking man. I should hate every part of him, but he is just awesome in all he does.
I didn't like a story about the building of a 25 billion dollar empire that I use daily. How does that get fucked up? I'm thinking I couldn't get past my shear hatred of the characters, so I guess that's probably what happened. It's not bad, but I certainly didn't get 5 bucks worth out of it.

Bottom Line: 5.3 out of 10. I was truly not entertained to any extent. I laughed once and made a bunch of petty, snide comments the entire time because I couldn't stand how fucking dumb everyone was. I really don't recommend seeing this fucking thing. It did make me want to read the book on what really happened with facebook, since it did such a shit-poor job of telling the story. Fuck Jesse Eisenberg. I seriously said this movie would be a much greater success if he got punched in the fucking mouth.

South Park, best show ever?

South Park is simply amazing due to the fact every year it stays relevant to current issues, in essence being social commentators, while staying incredibly funny even without the story. Think of how many catch phrases South Park is responsible for? They were the first to throw Paris Hilton under the bus for being a stupid spoiled whore. They have great opinions that are always dead-on. Tearing apart Scientology and Mormonism, WAY AHEAD OF THE CURVE. Just page through the episodes sometime at www.allsp.com or www.southparkzone.com and relive the greatness. Page through the seasons and just remember how many of the episodes are awesome.

South Park started out as that show with foul-mouthed kids no parent wanted their kids to watch and has metamorphosed into a smart show that is topic related, while still preserving the ever-funny kids. They use the innocence of children to show the wrongs of society, and show how hilarious it can be to take a fresh "kids" perspective to "complicated" topics. South Park in essence also raised Comedy Central to new levels of popularity and riches. Matt and Trey should be allowed to walk on the backs of interns in and out of the building. It amazes me that after 14 seasons they aren't like Simpson's or Family Guy where I just stopped watching inexplicably because it isn't fresh anymore. Shit's played out. South Park has avoided that with little trouble by never being afraid of poking fun at anything including itself, religion, politics, death, abortion, LITERALLY ANYTHING. It's just amazing how they have no fear of anything, but also to make fun of things in a way to raise awareness and educate, but still be fucking hilarious.

I LOVE SOUTH PARK. I honestly think it's the best show on TV and possibly ever with it's run of amazing and unparalleled success on cable.

Sons of Anarchy, Getting Old Yet?

I can't get over how great this show is. I just witnessed how Sons of Anarchy ties up all the bullshit loose ends in a 42-minute show like a great storyteller like Grisham holds you until the last 20 pages before resolving everything in amazing fashion leaving you satisfied. I still am awaiting my first dead Mayan of the season, but I can continue waiting knowing that IRA blood is about to be spilt. Apparently spilt is not a word anymore, FUCK. I am a huge fan of keeping agent Stahl (Ally Walker, of THE PROFILER fame) around. That is who I want as my badass FBI agent who is completely believable and I'm throwing saying HOT in her role, despite being 49. I'm liking how the series is focusing no the main characters and the side characters are just merely in minor roles. It allows the real stars of the show to flash their talents. They grabbed great talent, it's nice to let them show it.

I am witnessing my first Miami Heat related fit of uncontrollable rage. THEY PLAYED THE FUCKING PISTONS IN A PRESEASON GAME, I DON'T NEED TIM LEGLER TALKING OUT OF HIS ASS FOR FIVE MINUTES ABOUT IT OR TEN MINUTES TALKING ABOUT DWAYNE WADE LEAVING WITH A TENDER HAMSTRING. Anyone that gives a flying fuck about that game go try to rewire your house wearing chain mail armor in a lightning storm you piece of shit. Did I get ten minutes on the Bucks beating the Bulls, NOPE. I got Anderson telling us preseason doesn't matter. NO FUCKING SHIT CAPTAIN FAGGOT.

Wall Street DEUCE + the tahwn (Town for those who speak no Bostanese)

Saw a couple movies the last couple nights and figured I'd start sharing some more.

The TOWN
I was actually a pretty big fan. It's a no-frills movie in that it's strictly a character study with some robberies sprinkled in. Jeremy Renner has a much smaller role than I assumed he would and Ben Affleck takes his lions share of camera time while being the director as well. Premise: Affleck and friends rob banks/trucks and make a shitload of money in a shitty Boston neighborhood called Charlestown. Affleck and pals rob a bank, take the woman bank manager hostage, and let her go after they are free. Ben Affleck is supposed to tail her, they fall in love, Ben keeps knocking off trucks and it's entertaining. FBI, lead by Jon Hamm as an ENORMOUS jerk-off with some amazing one-liners, start figuring out who this great crew of robbers are and drama builds. Affleck wants out, Renner thinks that's betrayal, friendship strained. I really wish they developed Affleck's and Renner's characters friendships more, since they were supposed to be best friends/basically brothers. I recommend this movie to people who enjoyed Heat, or character studies/ robbery/ action movies. Surprise ending.

Bottom line: 7.6 out of 10. You can wait for a rental, but I'd see it now.

Wall Street: THE DEUCE

Mike Douglas is awesome as an older Gordon Gecko. He's still got charisma/ suave, whatever makes Catherine Zeta-Jones let him near her. Shia LeDOUCHE is bearable, but you'll get really sick of his sad eye stare in around 30 minutes. I hate who they cast as Douglas' daughter, mainly because I hate her Beiber-esque hair cut. I love the story being centered around the sub-prime lending meltdown and the drastic effects it had on our economy. Plot: Douglas gets out of jail after a 9 year stretch and his daughter is living with Shia LeDOUCHE where she runs some hippy bullshit website and Douche trades stocks like a boy genius. His boss runs a company that goes under and gets bought out for 3 bucks a share, financial ruin begins. Gecko starts to befriend Doucher and patch up his relationship with daughter who hates him. A few good twist/turns keep it interesting and I enjoyed this film as well.

Bottom Line: 7.3 out of 10. Cast a woman who looks like a woman and I'd be able to put this a little higher up. It hurt me to look at her and that fucking placenta on her head. Douglas is awesome and I hope this isn't his last film, but if it is KUDOS sir.

Heisman Shit-show

Heisman Trophy bullshit because the NCAA is run by fucking idiots who have no idea how to punish anyone. Reggie Bush took a bunch of money like any other 21 year-old kid would have done in the same situation. USC, the school who spent thousands of dollars on him, gets to forfeit scholarships and two years of BSC bowl games (Costing the PAC-10 around 10 million I'm guessing due to the fact it's doubtful anyone else from the Pac-10 besides the auto-bid will get into a BSC Bowl game) and Reggie Bush? Won't have to pay restitution now that he's a multi-millionaire and capable of doing so. They MIGHT take his Heisman trophy, which also is bullshit because it's a fucking statue. It has incredible meaning in my eyes, but he could have another one made rather easily. Make Bush pay money for his fuck-up. Why are schools responsible for students transgressions?

When O.J. Murdered his wife and lover, was he stripped of anything Heisman related, or was USC fined? How can taking some money be worse than a double homicide? How come the Fab Five have all records and accomplishments stripped from Michigan? To deny their existence is to deny the most influential college basketball team on culture in history besides PERHAPS UTSA winning with an all-black starting line-up (FYI I'm dead serious. If you think baggy shorts, black socks & shoes, and self-expression were wide-spread before the Fab Five, you would be dead wrong). How can schools really control students in this day and age?

I wish college players could be paid money for all the work they do and prestige/money they bring to a university, but on the flip-side of that coin how can you pay a football player and not a women's cross-country runner? Both are athletes that put an incredible amount of time and effort into their craft, one just makes 18 million a year, while the other costs the college a few hundred thousand.

Elaborating on the point of how I refuse to think it's possible to keep agents/ bad influences away from students athletes is the simple fact that it IS NOT HARD to find these players. They go to college and practice on set schedule and by talking to the right people I'm sure you could get phone numbers/e-mail addresses, facebook/twitter accounts and sink your dirty claws into them for money.

Why is it so bad that students take money? It's hard to think their talents haven't earned them any money to speak of up to this point besides a full scholarship, which is a HUGE deal, but no pocket cash for themselves or their families is a little rough while they stand to bring the University of their enrollment in excess of 25 million dollars per year. I estimate this total based upon the ticket sales, merchandise sales, and BSC money brought in by major college football programs.

Some college players should be allowed to take money from agents and whoever else is stupid enough to give them money under no contract or obligation. I would make the athlete responsible for paying back nothing, then we can see how often this keeps occurring.

Roger Clemens, Burn in Your Self-Made Hell

I really need to be told how Bonds isn't being brought up on perjury charges, but Clemens all of the sudden is. I'm thinking that we're waiting on the statute of limitations for Mr. Bonds and hopefully we can get a tell-all for millions later confirming what the world already knows. That will just piss me off more knowing Bonds is making even more money to be a lying, cheating, piece of shit.

Clemens has two people saying he took drugs from his own team, that used to be his friends. He has no leg to stand on when it comes to credibility, because he has none. Nobody likes him, he sold his soul for money a long time ago and he's done nothing to sway the public perception that he's a me-first, soul-less, money-hoarding fuckface. It's awesome that he remembers with perfectly clarity what was being injected into his ass all those times and the other two can't be trusted for some reason.

He's going to be guilty as sin, after months of wasting taxpayer money he'll plead down to avoid prison and life will go on as usual. Write it down now.

Centurion

I took the plunge and watched Centurion last night on HDNET and was pleasantly surprised. It's a B action movie, but a well done B action movie. You'll notice some of the faces, most notably Michael Fassbender, Dominic West, and Olga Kurylenko (Queen of crappy action movies: Quantum of Solace, Hitman, Max Payne). I like how the film was shot with the grittier film for action and snow sequences. It's big-time over the top in the violence and drama, but it isn't too bad. The story follows a Roman legion deep into the Eastern Visigoth territories where they are ambushed by Visigoths and destroyed, except for their General (West) and a handful for soldiers (6 I think). The soldiers then embark on a quest to free the General and return to Rome. Kurylenko plays a crazed Visigoth tracker who hates Romans because they killed/raped her and her family and cut off her tongue. Crazy murder and violence ensues and entertains. It's not winning any Oscars, but it's entertaining.

Bottom Line: 6.1 out of 10. It's fun to watch if you like decapitation and limb dismemberment, which I do. Ending is disappointing however and a pointless love story is tossed in to pass time between disembowelment.

Silence of the Lambs

Silence of the Lambs is on TV today and it reminds me of everything that horror movies now are not. Clever, well-written, well-acted and directed. Thomas Harris wrote a great book, the movie did its best to interpret his work on the big screen. The suspense makes your stomach want to empty its contents out of your mouth. It doesn't pull punches in the realism department. If you have never seen this movie, do it immediately because you will never find a better performance than Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lector. A fine piece of cinema, through and through. What other thriller garnered Best Picture at the Oscars?

Sons of Anarchy

Sons of Anarchy is getting ready to roll out season 3 on Sept. 7th and you should take this opportunity to watch all the old episodes you can. If you have to forgo this for some reason, read some plot synopsis and get caught up, or ask me nicely to update you. The show is one of the best on TV assembling a great cast with a crazy and violent storyline. It follows the True Blood way of thinking, meaning almost all characters that are on the fringe are expendable. It's the most interesting piece of television that I know of for drama.

FX brings A-game all day it seems. It's Always Sunny, Rescue Me (don't watch, but love Dennis Leary), Justified, Archer, Louie, The League. It seems like they are the only real competition to HBO and Showtime for cable drama dominance. It's edgy enough where realism is not thrown out, but not so obscene that it isn't acceptable for cable. It's excellent that cable networks are allowed to not pussy-foot around everything and make something that is acceptably real when dealing with real life stuff. To pull off a motorcycle gang off the right way like Sons of Anarchy is a feat not possible without FX pushing regular cable limits with shows dating back to the Shield for EDGY DRAMA. I'm thinking South Park should jump to F/X and let the fun begin.

Fucking Clemens

So Roger still hasn't learned that the entire world knows that most players in the media for steroids and HGH use are as guilty as Hitler. Denying this is just like smacking everyone in the face with his dick it's so disrespectful. The real shocker is that he's getting brought up on charges before Bonds, that's a real marvel of our legal system.

Continuing with the theme of douche bag news Burt Furve is playing for Minnesota again, surprising nobody. He's going to get paid more than just about anyone else in the NFL to lead a stacked team for "one last shot". It's sickening at this point to speculate that this will actually be his last year. I don't fault him for playing, I fault him for being such a bitch about training camp. We get it, you know how to play football. You don't see Mark Brunell sitting it out at Jets camp. Show up, do the work, get to know your teammates, then play the season. Don't bitch about your ankle, just sit out some of the running and be there for your team. Now the Vikings are favorites to win the NFC and the Super Bowl and we have to endure another Brett Favre love-fest for another whole season. I almost want them to win the Super Bowl just so this will all be over, well that and the Jaguars don't have a shot in hell of winning anything.

The Other Guys

I'll admit, I was VERY skeptical of this film, especially after I saw the PG-13 rating. This film did an amazing job of being awesome. Mark Wahlberg was in the perfect role for himself, one of just being pissed off at everything. Will Ferrell is outstanding, Michael Keaton is great in his return to comedy, everyone does a great job in fact. There are some classic lines and running gags that were gold in my opinion. I never like going to comedies in theaters, but I didn't mind at all in this one because I was laughing more than everyone else, which is RARELY the case. There's a plot that doesn't really matter of a man pulling off a ponzi scheme for billions with Chechnians, Nigerians, and a made-up global corporation. This movie had only a few patches between hilarity to move the story along, but you are never far from something comical. I really can't wait for the unrated version with the extra bad language and deleted scenes, it's going to be epic.

Bottom Line: 8.4 out of 10. This movie should be seen as soon as its convenient. It's just hilarious.

She's Out of My League

I saw "She's Out of My League" last night. Premise is Jay Baruchel's character (Kirk) is a nice fella who works as airport security, has a weird family, and does the right thing. He finds a certified dime's (Alice Eve's character Molly)cell phone and he returns it to her at an art showing where she decides she likes him and takes him to a Penguins game. It gets more serious as nobody believes that a woman so beautiful and successful can fall for an ugly loser. There's a few funny parts mainly from the side characters of Patty (Krysten Ritter, who is AWESOME) and Stainer (T.J. Miller). I really can't recommend seeing this movie unless you really like Jay Baruchel and romantic comedies that use worse language than most PG-13 ones.

Bottom Line: 6.1 out of 10. Really unimpressive, but not terrible. Paying a dollar for it from Red Box isn't the worst thing you can do with your life. This will certainly not be the last time you see Alice Eve as she is astoundingly beautiful and talented enough to get cast in the upcoming X-Men movie. She's not disappointing at all to look at or listen to.

Kramer v. Kramer

I took some time to enjoy Kramer v. Kramer on demand and was very pleased with a movie that picked up Oscar wins for Best picture, actor, actress in a supporting role, and writing in 1979. The film is a gut-wrenching drama where Meryl Streep's character walks out on her husband and son to find herself. Dustin Hoffman's character sacrifices career and well-being to take care of his son during this two year stretch. Streep returns and claims to want custody of their son. A legal battle ensues and everything is superb. Streep absolutely kills it, Hoffman I thought could be more emotional, but clearly does a great job. Justin Henry does a great job as the son being torn apart. It shows the ugliness of even a mutual divorce and custody battle. I love when old, acclaimed movies find their way ON demand.

Bottom Line: 8.6 out of 10. Everything is superbly done, it's just not a super-exciting. Watch if you want a tear-jerker with superb acting highlighting a strong story. Don't watch if overly emotional.

FavreTASTIC (God make this stop)

So, I really tried hard not to hate Brett Favre for his constant shit-show every year. I felt bad for him when the Packers made the right business decision and got rid of him to let Aaron Rodgers play for 1/6th the money (or something like that). I fully supported him playing elsewhere because obviously he wasn't going to be allowed to play for the Packers. I even went as far to defend the fact he was old and really didn't need that much training camp because he's been around long enough and doesn't need to be in great physical shape to play QB. I defended him because his play always outshone his other bullshit. I got sick of hearing about him, but due to his great play last year, I overlooked the previous year's of the same fiasco. I can't give Brett a free pass this year. This is just utter insanity. Could ESPN leave this shit alone? The LEBRONATHON that we had to witness was no better, but Favre hits a new height because every year he does this.

How can you not know whether you can play or not play? I really am in a state of shock over this. Ed Warder chasing him to the high school where he likes to throw around a ball and look like a has-been fuck. How can he enjoy this circus? If he doesn't want it, why doesn't he stay indoors, or go to Taipei? It's making my eyes and ears bleed. This is such a rough patch for sports since it's just baseball and pure speculation from here on out. I need something to patch this void to not allow ESPN to talk about rumors and bullshit for 45 minutes out of an hour show. They just shovel shit and football is going to be so welcome I want to just draft a fantasy football team a day to pass the time.

Phillies fucking it up

How can Phillies fans possibly hold their heads up after watching the team get rid of Cliff Lee because of a refusal to give up Happ and prospects in the deal for Halladay only to ship the same guys to get Roy Oswalt? Nothing against Oswalt, he's just not Cliff Lee. What the fuck are they thinking on this one? Oswalt is the last #1 pitcher on the trading block, but what a slap-dick move to let Lee leave only to pull this shit off.

Albert Haynesworth failed the conditioning test and anyone surprised at this should take note that Haynesworth has never been in shape for training camp in his life. I have no idea who thought throwing money at him would make him care, I knew it was a terrible idea the moment it happened.

I re-watched "The Brotherhood of the Wolf", a French (but not gay) film about a "beast" tearing up the French countryside. Simple premise, but amazing cinematography and great acting/storytelling make this an excellent film. I saw it in high school and left the movie amazed. I'm the proud owner of it because it was like 10 bucks at Wal-Mart and I can't recommend it enough. It's just a great film that introduced us to Vincent Cassel and Monica Belluci. I think it's an incredibly well-done film that if you can read subtitles is for sure worth watching. I have the Director's Cut, but I have no idea what the difference is.

Bottom Line talking: 8.7 out of 10. I honestly may have already written about this, but see the movie and if you're disappointed run in front of a major highway.

Amores Perroes & The Hunted

Amores Perroes is a Spanish film that is a character piece focusing on people's relationships with dogs and each other. It's won some awards and it one of the films you're supposed to see according to critics and whatnot. It's very well done and well acted throughout. You have to read subtitles, so if you can't read or speak Spanish fluently, this isn't for you. The stories are all interesting, though the affair of a married man with children and a model is too long and boring for my taste. I'd recommend this film if you liked Crash, or movies that combine multiple stories. If you really like movies, you should watch the film as it's cinematography and editing are very well done for a low-budget, I'm assuming independent picture.

Bottom Line: 8.2 out of 10. I bought it for 5 bucks at Best Buy and I'm really happy with the purchase. I have a feeling I won't be watching it often, just like Crash, but it's something to see and appreciate because it's film as art, which is very rare.

I finally saw the hunted with Tommy Lee Jones and Benecio Del Toro. Those two carry a pretty good film. I was amazed how much Tommy Lee Jones did physically for this film. There's a good two minutes where he's just running and chasing Benecio. The knife fights are excellent and it's all around solid. It's hard to top Del Toro's quiet intensity that makes you buy he's a killer. Del Toro is your typical ex-assassin trained to kill in the jungles with his bare hands. Tommy Lee is the man who trained him who is a tracker/ greatest outdoorsmen to have ever lived. I never bought Del Toro's civilian life, but besides that distraction it's a really good movie that doesn't get too ridiculous.

Bottom Line: 6.8 out of 10. If you haven't seen it, like I hadn't, I recommend it. I'm sure it's on USA every now and then.

What Doesn't Kill You

Focus pictures, when on, delivers great films on a small budget with a core group of excellent actors. This one boasts Ethan Hawke, Totally under-appreciated Mark Ruffalo (Zach's with me on this one), and the beautiful and talented (rare) Amanda Peet. Donnie Wahlberg should be mentioned as well... kidding. Your standard Focus picture bio-pic of good fellas in the Southy paht of Bahstahn. All they know is robbing, beating, stealing. Great acting highlights the story of the grind of two-bit gangsters and their want for something more. Mark Ruffalo plays a family man who after a 5-stretch (5 years in prison), tries to go straight realizing his family is more important than "the big score". Hawke is his best friend/partner in crime. It's just an excellent character study and Ruffalo, as always, brings the wood. He's from Kenosha, random great fact.

Bottom Line: 7.7 out of 10. I'm glad I paid 3 bucks it from Hollywood Video, even though it took like two months to get here. I recommend a viewing. It's not your Disney bullshit, just a solid film that's all heart and soul and no CGI. Somebody help me kick my bargain DVD addiction.

Inception: WHAT ARE YOU DOING GO AND SEE IT NOW!!!!

I honestly can't remember seeing a movie that is on par with Inception in terms of being so well put together in every aspect. There are no glaring holes or WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? moments in this film. The acting, down to the supporting cast, is just superb. This was quite possibly the best film I've seen at the theaters in my life.

The premise is that our subconscious holds secrets, memories, and ideas that can be taken from us when we are most vulnerable, in our sleep. Your memory has different levels (4) of subconscious and the deeper you go, the more intense/ real, and in their case permanent the extraction/inception becomes. Di Caprio and Levitt's characters are the best at what they do, taking memories from billion dollar companies for other companies exploitation. The stakes are raised when they are asked to plant an idea, not extract it, from Cillian Murphy's character. Nolan keeps his cards close to his chest, but nothing crazy happens like an M. Night Shamalan suckfest. It is so well written, directed, edited, and acted throughout that I have a hard time thinking it isn't as perfect a film as I've ever seen. It doesn't have the epic tale of a Schindler's List for example, but it tells a great story as well as I've seen. I can't really say enough good thing other than beware because it's a little complex, but I had no trouble following it (keep in mind I'm a genius though).

Bottom Line: 9.8 out of 10. I basically want to give it a 10, but because it's not as epic in story as Schindler's List (that's the best example I can think of) I simply can't go with a 10. See this film immediately, it's UNREAL.

I also saw Predators, the supposed proud return of the franchise. I was thinking before seeing the movie what Adrian Brody was thinking taking on this kind of meaningless meathead role, but I thought to myself: If I were him, would I want to be the same candy-ass character he was in the Pianist the rest of my career? He bulks up and does a great job as the badass Supreme of the group. Here's a thought for you; Make a spreadsheet of the characters and put down when you think they'll die in order, or if they'll survive. Take some bets, compare, and I think it'll add some fun to the film. Various soldiers/ murderers are selected by Predators to be hunted on a giant nature preserve for sport. It's pretty similar to most Predator films and not too special. Acting is decent enough, it's just not all that terrifying/gory as I thought it would be. It's good enough, just don't pay money to see it.

Bottom Line: 6.6 out of 10. Don't pay money, but it's worth 1.5 hours of your time to see this. My bet idea is genius by the way. If you're too dumb to create a scoring system, just ask.

Jennifer's Body: YUP, watched it to see Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried. Megan Fox is astoundingly beautiful and that's the highlight right there. Diablo Cody wrote, so imagine Juno quippy dialogue inserted into a horror film. It's pretty shitty simply put. It's not special in any respect other than pure eye candy. Not even going to waste time talking about the story.

Bottom Line 3.7 out of 10. Not good in any respect, watch the "highlights" on Youtube and call it a day.

Zombielanded

I actually wasn't all that big of a fan of Zombieland. Maybe it's because Jesse Eisenberg being a huge nerdy candy-ass for 1.5 hours doesn't bring me much joy. That or Woody Harrelson being a weird red-neck quasi-badass wasn't too great for me either. It's really more comedy than anything, but I never really laughed out loud. It was entertaining enough, paired with the greatest cameo ever with Bill Murray. I just didn't think it was too special. Everything is decent enough, but nothing is that great. If it's on cable or something, then watch it, but that's all I recommend on this one.

Bottom Line: 6.1 out of 10. Don't go out of your way for this well-reviewed, but not too special film.

I am in utter shock over Mel Gibson losing his mind screaming at his girlfriend and saying things that would make most sailors cringe. This guy is certifiably insane at this point. He is prone to rage-like fits, drinks too much, and is for sure at least verbally, if not physically abusive. I can't seem to think that Mel Gibson is going to be getting much work in the near future. If he does, that studio is going to be getting the wrong kind of press, so maybe some indie flick will take a shot at Mad Max, but I can't think that's likely. What a fall from grace for Agent Riggs.

ESPY 's= SHITTY

SO, someone explain to me how Isner vs. Mehut and their endless match of 70-68 in the 5th set was better than the career starts for Favre, or Federer's 15 major titles? I just can't fathom how it was a better achievement. It's just AWFUL that something like that could happen. Playing for a REALLY long time is not generally valued in sport. UCONN vs. Syracuse was a great game in 5 OT's, but was it the best achievement in college basketball that year? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It's meant to be an individual achievement, something to honor individual excellence. I watched this fucking match and was stoked, but for fuck's sake there's NO WAY that was a great achievement. A better achievement would've been winning 6-0, 6-0, 6-0 and not fumble fucking around with your returns.

I am just astounded at how fucking dumb it is to consider that a great achievement. Two dudes played for a long time because neither can return serve for shit compared to their must greater serves. On top of that let's not hide the fact that it as made possible only because Wimbledon does not allow a tiebreak for it's final, deciding set. A 9.5 hour match, NOT COOL.

Live blog from here on out since this IS FUCKING RETARDED

8:48pm, let's fucking OVERPLAY Jim Joyce's mistake a little more and fucking milk this clusterfuck for all it's worth.
8:48pm I hope they just start giving each other randy-handies out there.
8:49pm- Who wrote that retarded joke for Joyce? I want Galarraga to punch him in the face and fuck this stupid thing up.
8:49pm- Best moments in sport this year? George Steinbrenner's death in the running? OHHHHH, too soon for sure.
8:50pm- The ESPY's= everything that's wrong with ESPN. Pure commercialized garbage that is more about pop culture than the sports themselves. I personally blame ESPN for making The Sporting News bi-weekly and less in-depth and more bullshit articles.
8:51pm- Sweet achievement, the USA soccer team choking to a lower seed in the world cup? Why do we have to act like we give a fuck about soccer once every four years? There's no national pride involved with this bullshit.
8:52pm- Best moment? Jim Joyce doing all the real talking during the award ceremony.
8:52pm- USA soccer? How fucking dumb are we? We tied an inferior opponent to advance another round and be embarrassed by a third world country. Yippee fucking skippy.
8:53pm- Who the fuck has been inspired by Landon Donovan? I'm more inspired by him having a hot wife/girlfriend despite being 5' 5" than anything he's done on a soccer field. Fuck soccer. I can't wait until it disappears for another two years or so.
8:55pm- Would going to Stanford because they have great women's sports be the single dumbest reason to go to a University?
8:56pm- How in the fuck does the Piranha movie get enough advertising money to afford this shit?
8:59pm- ESPN is going to become to sports what MTV is to music, if it hasn't happened already. God, I hate that thought.
8:59pm- While we are getting Matt LePay for Capitol Ford, what's the rest of the USA getting?
8:59pm- I changed to "The Fly" and Jeff Goldblum was creepy even when he was young.
9:00pm- Where is Lisa Leslie going to work now that the WNBA is over? not a lot of places wanting to hire a 6'6" intimidating woman I'm guessing.
9:00pm- Who the fuck is this AWFUL girl singing? She better have won this for the "Make-A-Wish" foundation or something. She sucks ass.
9:01pm- Awesome, Twilight finds it's way to the ESPY's. That makes sense on a sports show, they did play shitty baseball in the first one.
9:01pm- Tracy Morgan: Drunk or sober?
9:02pm- I liked Tracy Morgan as Nelson Mandela. It reminded me of Dave Chappelle's "Nelson Mandela Boot Camp" skit. "Do you not think Nelson Mandela knows what this is?"
9:04pm- Eminem, welcome back to being fucking awesome. You've made it kid, the ESPY's.
9:04pm- Biggest upset? How about Butler in general? Where the fuck did those kids come from?
9:06pm- Thanks Northern Iowa for upsetting my bracket and me.
9:07pm- Ali Faroukmanesh, welcome to your last 15 minutes of fame before you are merely a funny, obscure reference for me to toss around.
9:07pm- Odds of a riot in Cedar Falls right now over this?
9:08pm- Clint Black? Who the fuck is this guy's agent? He pulled quite a coup here.
9:09pm- On the same note how the fuck did Seth Meyers get this gig? Being the 8th best person on SNL?
9:10pm- Seriously, someone name me a fucking Clint Black song off the top of their heads?
9:10pm- Zach Efron & January Jones? Here we go random make-out at the ESPY's to put them on par with MTV for dumbass shenanigans.
9:11pm- Shenanigans is a real word, and I spelled right the first time.
9:11pm- Was Bode Miller's greatest accomplishment winning tournaments wasted? I honestly think so. That, or if he qualifies for the US Open in tennis like he's trying to. I'll bet anyone 20 bucks someone under 20 beats him.
9:13pm- Odds Shaun White and Zach Efron hang out? 4/1 on it.
9:13pm- Thank you USA? Nice touch.
9:14pm- 2nd random person flash, Dara Torres. First one, Emannuelle Chriqui from Entourage. She's gorgeous, but I'm still confused on that one, like how the fuck she's with "E" on the show? Dude's made for Vinnie Chase's balls to rest in his mouth when they stand next to each other.
9:16pm- Gatorade's new work-out plan will only cost you $10 a game/workout, how can you afford not to?
9:16pm- Thank you Old Spice for keeping comedy in commercials.
9:17pm- Switched back to the Fly to watch Geena Davis in a shoulder padded blazer, I want that brought back, immediately.
9:18pm- Another fucking Piranha movie commercial? FML. Ving Rhames doesn't turn down anything apparently.
9:19pm- Arthur Ashe was truly amazing as an athlete/humanitarian/world-changer.
9:19pm- Brett Favre is going to upstage Ashe and his award by announcing he'll be playing this year. Just wait for it.
9:20pm- Narrated by Keifer Sutherland, some of the best words in our language. Narrated by Morgan Freeman barely eclipses it. If Keifer was doing it as Jack Bauer I retract that statement about Freeman. He makes me want to start smoking menthol's like a fiend.
9:21pm- Why do tornado's never hit big cities? Anyone know about that one?
9:22pm- I wish ESPN did a piece like this every day. Bob Costas can introduce it every time. He made me want to cry, cheer, and laugh before the NBA Finals games in the 90's.
9:23pm- FYI, I used to hate running out of the tunnel, a slow jog, or a Remember the Titans like chant would've been approved over the crazed sprint.
9:24pm- Even the 911 dispatcher was crushed by the news.
9:25pm- Being from a small town, this is a nightmare that people would talk about forever.
9:27pm- That's a little greater class shown by the Thomas' in comparison to the Joyce vs. Galaragga suck-fest.
9:28pm- Tearing up for sure on this one. Damn near crying.
9:29pm- So well done, just so well done.
9:30pm- Incredible stuff with the Thomas family.
9:31pm- What a great speech of humility and heart. That's a strong kid right there.
9:32pm- Thank God I will leave the ESPY's with something positive. This seriously bailed out the ESPY's from the rest of the shit I witnessed.
9:33pm- I want this speech on youtube immediately following this. SO WELL DONE.
9:36pm- Jackie Brown is my new "flip to when commercials are on" channel. Sam Jackson is simply awesome. He's made for Quentin Tarantino. He's as intense, only without the hallucinogenic drugs as Tarantino.
9:37pm- Why did he put the pony-tail and shitty goatee on Sam Jackson? Mike Keaton playing a minor role. Pretty swell.
9:39pm- Best female olympic athlete? Can it get more specific? Can I be put in for best Jacksonville Jaguars fan living in the Madison area next year?
9:40pm- Vuvuzela, burn in hell for eternity.
9:40pm- Will Ferrell, please make this funny before I get pissed off.
9:41pm- Not too pleased so far.
9:44pm- Really never laughed at this thing at all. Please make it stop. OH, Janell Monet, or whatever the fuck. AWESOME, I honestly thought it couldn't get worse.
9:45pm- That's why Emannuelle Chirqui was on earlier? Pairing her with Mahk WAHLbahg is the best idea EVAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
9:46pm- I don't like her talking. God I hope that wasn't scripted and Mark Wahlberg was saying Emannuelle Chriqui is going to get dirty in Entourage just to further promote the only thing going good in his life.
9:48pm- Is Diana Taurasi a lesbian? I always assumed so, but I really hope not. Maybe we could've hung out in OWI class together.
9:48pm- Does Serena even put those things on her mantle?
9:49pm- Lindsey Vonn? Didn't see that one coming. Once again America fucks up.
9:49pm- I honestly thought after she called Wahlberg "Marky Mark", he was going to punch her in the face. She's probably too tall.
9:50pm- She has a husband? Her fan base was just reduced by 5/6.
9:50pm- Early favorite for best team: UCONN Women's huskies. All they do is kick the shit out of everyone else, what other team dominated as such?
9:54pm- Thinking about getting NCAA 2011 because running the option brings me SO much joy. I think I'd try to take the Air Force to a BCS Bowl.
9:55pm- PIRANHA 3D, SON OF A BITCH.
9:57pm- That parody of The Blindside was just awesome. Peyton Manning just keeps winning me over sadly. I used to just hate him, but after SNL and his commercials it's just extreme dislike.
10:02- Brooklyn Decker is too gorgeous to be real. Andy Roddick proves he's better than Roger Federer at life, fuck tennis if you go home to that at night.
10:02pm- You think Lewis is nervous? Notice Favre doesn't thank God?
10:04pm- Sam Jackson introducing an award= EPIC
10:05pm- Robert Evans, another voice for narration created by smoking cigarettes like Edward R. Murrow.
10:06pm- This was supposed to end at 10:00pm FYI ESPN
10:07pm- Cancer treatments are damn near as awful as the disease itself.
10:09pm- Please be seated? He's ready to get down to brass tacks here.
10:10pm- Dirty secret not talked about enough is that chemo is so harsh it makes you sterile. It's poison thrown into you with the thought in mind that cancerous cells eat the poison faster than healthy cells. You just can't have so much chemo that it kills enough of your healthy cells to kill you. Brilliant isn't it?
10:12pm- I'm all for cancer research, but the Government matching donations dollar for dollar? All causes would really enjoy that, but for being a few trillion dollars in the hole that just doesn't seem like the best idea.
10:13pm- Once again, why wasn't this done at 10pm again?
10:18pm- Luke Olson, you were once in Old School, what the fuck happened to your career? You're garbage.
10:20pm- Drew Brees has 3 ESPY's tonight? Is that on par with the Godfather winning 7 Oscars?
10:21pm- Thanking his O-Line, that's a smart man.
10:22pm- Why is Kenny Chesney announcing best team? Clint Black & Kenny Chesney? How did country music pull this shit off?
10:24pm- I retract the UCONN Statement, I'm thinking the Saints got this one in the bag. I should've known better than to bet on a women's team.
10:25pm- Kobe's still a douche bag
10:25pm- Yup, the Aint's and Breesus. If you pay for that many plane tickets and accommodations you better win.
10:27pm- Who the fuck is Janelle Monet? Seth Meyers, your career is only downhill from here kid.

Welcome to Maimi: Benvenito NO NO NONONONOOOOOOOOOOOO

Lebron is going to the best place to "win", Miami. Once again Pat Riley pulls a coup and reloads himself for more titles. I am honestly shocked that this happened in hindsight. I can't figure out what made Lebron and Bosh think Miami was the best place to start winning at. Wade is a great player, but there really isn't anything else floating around to help. Arroyo, Haslem, Beasley, Chalmers, Richardson are not names that inspire fear into opponents. If LeBron really cared about winning he would have signed the mid-level exception with the Celtics, or Orlando Magic.

This is about money and winning. He got his money, which was expected, but I honestly don't think Miami is the best place to win immediately at. There are better established teams, some with money, that posed a much better option. I think if you add James and Bosh to the Clippers and Bulls, two franchises that could sign them, they are significantly better than the Heat are with them. It also blows me away that LeBron has been playing for 7 YEARS. He gave Cleveland the best years of basketball in their history, but now he has ripped their souls away. He's set the franchise back immeasurably. Cleveland may never be that good again at basketball for our lifetimes. This team is going to command national attention from now until the end of next season. They are going to be televised and talked about way too much.

It's too bad that there was off-season shenanigans. I don't like this working together bullshit rather than fighting each other. I hate Kobe Bryant, but when there was talk of him leaving the Lakers when he was driving them into the ground, he stood touch, resigned Phil Jackson, and devoted himself to winning and not taking the most shots possible without being beaten to death by your own teammates.

It is all about winning championships, but doesn't this seem to cheapen it? It's the Yankees buying a championship, only NBA style. I will admit I want to see this three-headed triumvirate of basketball greatness. This is a great experiment with free agency being what it is. Can you "buddy up" with a few other great players and make a run at it? I'm excited, but also worried about how much this will be talked about for the next few hundred days. Makes me feel bad for the Bucks.

Random things Thursday

I watched Ong-Bak, Tony Jaa's crazy kung-fu movie that was $5 at Best Buy, AKA my crack cocaine. Tony Jaa is simply once in a lifetime kung-fu greatness in a tiny frame. The guy is simply astounding and if you like fighting I'd highly recommend youtubing Tony jaa, you won't be disappointed. The movie was OK actually, but far from good. Marginal talent besides the unthinkably athletic Jaa kicking everything's ass.

Bottom Line: 6.2 out of 10. It really only scores points for Jaa's amazing skills.

LeBronathon 2010 is going on and I'm going to be just sitting here following it live:

Legler as well as everyone else is completely sold of LeBron creating the Three Miamiteers with Wade and Bosh, but lets talk about Miami's other players:
Mike Beasley- It's possible with the infusion of greatness he may decide to care about basketball, I'm just not buying it.
Carlos Arroyo- He's your starting point guard, but just a puppet.
Mario Chalmers- Your other starting point guard. Likely they should just opt to bring a shooter in, but that would force Wade to guard a PG all game and that probably isn't such a great idea.
Udonis Haslem- He knows how to win and will be a huge roll player for this team when it will need to defend two good post players with Bosh and Haslem. FYI he guarded Dirk quite a bit during their title run.
Quentin Richardson- Q is still in the league, but I'll be betting he's going to be traded for someone younger/cheaper. If Q raises his %39.7 from TripleLand, he will be invaluable to a team that's going to be just begging people to hit open 3's.
I'm just saying besides Haslem I really don't think there's a decent player on that squad. What happens if any of the SuPeR 3 get into foul trouble? I just think there are a lot of holes in this great plot to make a super team.

EPICNESS

I watched Toy Story 3 and it was from start to finish a fantastic and well-done film. There was no boring moments, only touching, funny, or action-packed moments. Pixar is keeping the magic in movies. While remakes of everything from the A-Team to Zombies are getting thrown at us Pixar brings us gold. Yes that's hypocritical since Toy Story 3 is a remake, but it was one we gave a fuck about from a historied franchise that they created. Apparently historied is not a word...

The usual suspects are all back, minus Po-Beep ()
They are dealing with the rejection of Andy growing older and moving on, away from toys. There's just so many great lessons intertwined into a great story. I can't say enough things about how well done every aspect of this film is.

Bottom line: 9.2 out of 10 (Can't give a kids movie a higher rating than that) See this film as fast as you can.

On the other epic page I got to watch portions of the Isner vs. Mahut match. It's going on almost 10 hours of on court time, the poor bastards. It's 59-59 in the 5th set. To put that in perspective the average tennis match for professional is the best of 3 sets. Maximum games played in that: 39. There are usually tie-breakers, but in Majors not only does it become a best of 5 set brawl, the Australian Open and Wimbledon feature no tie-breakers in the deciding set. It was almost 10 years ago Roddick and El-Ayanoui had an epic 27-25 (I think...) war that ended with Roddick victorious, but utterly exhausted and destined to be plastered in his next match, the Aussie Semifinal. Hats off to the competitors, especially Mahut. Mahut may be the French player, while Isner is American, but my blind hatred for France and unquestioning love for this country cannot shake the fact that Mahut was playing every point like it was his last, while Isner was barely moving during most points. I'm still guessing Isner will win tomorrow due to the fact he is as close to unbreakable as any player in the tournament.

G.I. Joe, the Cliche BOMB

G.I. Joe is an insanely cliche', but I can't say I wasn't entertained. I say it's worth viewing for the great eye candy. Sienna Miller is insanely hot, and Rachel Nichols does very well for herself as well (Note: not the ESPN lady). Anyway it's entertaining after the first hour when they try to establish a plot, which is always a waste of time in an action movie. If you want to watch something with explosions among other action packed things for about two hours, go for it. Bad guys steal weapons, good guys try to get them back. Complicated stories intertwining for no real reason and PRESTO, resolved... Roll credits. Too simple for a real review.

Bottom line: 6.1 out of 10. Some action entertainment, that's all there is for you.

Fear the DEER

I saw a headline that said "Warriors trade Maggette, picks to Bucks" and immediately became terrified we fucked something up behind repair. I am VERY happy to report the Bucks got Maggette for Charlie "Flintstones are still cool" Bell and Dan "I have no real basketball ability other than being 7 feet tall" Gadzuric, who are making around 12 million combined next year AND we get another 2nd rounder out of it. I couldn't be more excited, unless we somehow manage to move Redd for a quality piece and get rid of his salary as well.

The Bucks actually have some hope for next year. A guy like Maggette who was averaging over 18 points a night for G. State (Who knew?) is perfect for his slashing and athletic ability, which the Bucks lack short of Jennings. This sadly means Salmons is gone more than likely, but I'll take Maggette, provided being on a quality Eastern conference team motivates him to play some D... If the Bucks clear Redd SOMEHOW (Feel free Cavs, at least he can fucking shoot unlike every other tool you pair LeBron with) they will have a lot of money available to them to make a push for one of the big names floating out there. We actually have reason to care about basketball short of Marquette and UW this year, and it's a strange feeling.

NBA Free Agency

I'm already excited about the next season for the NBA after reading an article on Chris Bosh and where he MAY end up playing next season. Game 7 should be epic because the Celtics have too much heart/ veteran presence to be embarrassed again in LA. I'm going to say the Celtics will win game 7, somehow rallying around the injured Kendrick Perkins by getting a motivated game out of Rasheed Wallace (God that's a dumb idea), but more importantly I think they will play Tony Allan on Kobe Bryant more since he's the only person to slow down the demon.

Free agency is going to be awesome for the NBA. No matter what fortunes of franchises will be won and lost during this stretch. I think, and this is VERY EARLY obviously that the following things will pan out.

LeBron isn't going anywhere. Neither is D-Wade.

Bosh has a REALLY tough choice between Chicago, and being wooed by Bron and Wade to play with them, if that's the case Bosh in Cleveland means a championship without question. With two players as athletic and dynamic as Bron and Bosh, and some decent role players flocking them (inconsequential) they will win championships. I think Bosh going to the Bulls would make a powerhouse in the East, I'm not sure if they could overtake LeBron, the Magic, or the Celtics, but they'd definitely be in the conversation.

Interesting possibility, Bosh goes to the Suns, but in that case they would have to lose Amare, making it essentially a wash and not putting the Suns over the hump. However Bosh + Nash + Amare= CHAMPIONSHIP. YUP, Nash with two premiere posts would be unstoppable, especially with the decent role players they have now. SO unlikely, but that would be awesome and that's the beauty of it.

I really don't think anyone has any idea how the chips are going to fall this offseason. I think everything hinges on what LeBron will do. The Clippers, the ultimately downtrodden franchise can pick-up LeBron and Bosh to surround Baron, Kaman, Eric Gordon, Rasual Butler, and Blake Griffin. They have size, speed, and way too much ability to fuck it up.

MAYBE THE BUCKS CAN GET BOSH? My head's hurting and I'm just rambling. FUCK this is going to be good.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Great show.

I have seasons 1-4 off an Amazon.com deal and I am SO pleased. The gang is SO funny with their situations and how they handle them SO poorly. I highly recommend Hulu or FX/Comedy central to get your IASiP fix. Start watching this show.

Blackhawks won, which is nice, but has already been forgotten. I did see a distinct spike in Blackhawk merchandise for sale, but not a huge spike in people wearing it. It's nice Chicago has something to be happy about after the Cubs and White Sox shit-shows this year. I would like to witness a Blackhawk game next year, and riot.

Celtics vs. Lakers reaches an epic pitch in game 7. It really seems to be leaning the Lakers way after they mopped up the Celtics today, which sucks. You hate to see the more talented team with less toughness and heart win. That having been said this series has been so up and down who knows. I can only hope the Lakers lay an egg and the Boston Three Party all go off with Rondo learning to shoot from the outside for a big win.

Is there a team that can actually trade for Prince Fielder this year? There really isn't a good home for Fielder unless the Angels are OK with tossing Ervin Santana and a couple of big time prospects perhaps? The Red Sox could make a push if they admit Beltre is a failure and move Youkilis to 3rd base. The Tigers possibly? I was just talking this over with my cousin and we really couldn't think of a decent opportunity to get rid of Fielder this year besides the Angels. Perhaps the Blue Jays? Teams that have the prospects don't have the need, teams with the need (few teams need a first baseman that can't play defense or anything else) don't have the trade parts.

Nadal talk

Nadal is healthy, therefore he wins the French Open without trouble. It's a simple fact that when Nadal is healthy he is a one-man demolition team that is nearly unbeatable, but on clay it becomes simple unbeatable. He generates so much spin on the dirt everyone has to take the ball at uncomfortable levels and it feels like hitting a brick over and over again. Nadal is tireless and gives the most effort of any athlete I have ever seen in any sport. He effortlessly transitions from defense to offense and hits offensive shots from defensive positions. He's improved his serve to add more MPH on regular surfaces and has excellent consistency.

Downside: By playing like a possessed demon he puts incredible strain on his body. His knees have already been explained as the knees of a 50+ year old. There is no way he can continue to torque his wrist so violently from the forehand wing and not have an injury. These are the limiting factors in Rafael Nadal's already prolific career. Enjoy his game while you can, because in three years he will be reduced to much less than this.

The Losers, aptly named

Saw "The Losers" while I had nothing better to do today and it sucked, as I knew it would. It was so terrible that it became comedy. The good news is that they dive right into the plot and get the ball rolling ASAP. 5 special forces guys are on a mission in Bolivia to kill a guy, there are kids in the compound they are going to bomb, guys kill everyone but the kids against orders, helicopter they were supposed to be on gets BLOWED UP (EXTREME!!!). They are black listed and Zoe Saldana, the only reason to watch this movie, comes in with a bunch of money to get them back to the good OLD USA to get REVENGE!!!!

Stupid bullshit compounded by stupider bullshit succumbs to stupidest bullshit and the movie ends with explosions and gunshots, but leaves itself open to A SEQUEL!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't see this movie unless you like movies so dumb you can make fun of them every two minutes because something incredibly stupid happens. Not a fan of really anything in this film besides Zoe Saldana because she is astoundingly beautiful.

Bottom line: 3.4 out of 10. Really stupid, kind of entertaining at times, some action, not worth seeing EVER. Dumb action bullshit at its finest.

Celtics vs. Lakers III is going on and I'm pretty pumped about this. I hate the Lakers and their fucking celebrity fans, Kobe, Gasol (though they are both incredible ball players), and their OWNER. I do love Phil Jackson, but I think the Lakers are just soft, arrogant, and all around douchy. Celtics I am a fan of because they are cagey veterans surrounded by role players, wrapped up in toughness and effort. I am clearly biased, but I love the Celtics just toughing out a win in GAME 2. Ray Allen played as well as anyone could have expected, and will continue to have to do so. Whoever Derek Fisher guards needs to score. That's the only real mismatch the Celtics are provided with on offense. Rondo will need to take Fisher to the hoop, or Allen will have to shoot over him all game. Besides that they will need Garnett away from the basket hitting 20 footers off screen & rolls.

Bottom line: Celtics in 6

Greatness has left us

Heaven may have gained, but Earth has certainly lost. John Wooden, a man of grace and endless class is dead at the age of 99. There is no hunting down a quote to say something nice, but rather an overabundance of such. It really isn't possible to hear someone say something besides glowing praise and admiration. A man who lived by his father's code “Be true to yourself, help others, make each day your masterpiece, make friendship a fine art, drink deeply from good books – especially the Bible, build a shelter against a rainy day, give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance every day.” to the T. Lew Alcindor said he was "more of a parent than a coach". A strict man who demanded, and received the best from his players. Transforming his players into men in a short 4-year span. His life lessons echo through all of them, forever changed as people, not just players.

It's painful to think about what a loss we've really endured. In a time where players are assumed to be pumping more steroids than a Mr. Olympian body-builder, here was someone who couldn't be accused of anything besides being perfect. The stories you hear of Wooden are all too perfect to imagine. His beloved wife, Nell, was the only women he ever dated. Though she passed 25 years ago, he wrote a love letter to her every Sunday. His "Pyramid for Success" is still a gold standard for leadership and how to live life for anyone. It's not possible to gauge his true impact on not only basketball, but the lives he was a part of. It's really a sad day and tragedy that will never be forgotten. Scott Van Pelt really said it best when he said it isn't possible to think of someone else who has gotten more out of 99 years of life than John Wooden. God bless you and enjoy the most well-deserved trip to eternity of any person to talk the earth.

Perfect game blame

I can't believe the firestorm raping Jim Joyce over his missed call. Jim Joyce doesn't have instant replay at 1/30 the game speed which it occurred at. He made a mistake and he's admitted such. I saw it live and started to celebrate and think to myself how cool it was I saw the 9th inning of a perfect game when it all fell apart. Galarraga handled it well, as did Leyland during the post-game interview. I'm all for instant replay but I am the farthest thing from OK with allowing previous rulings to be overturned. That is asking for a world of hurt. Everyone knows Galarraga had a perfect game and history will reflect that he came within one out that he actually got fair & square of a perfect game. Blown call in a big moment, we've seen this before. Explain to me how Derek Fisher got off a running jumper with .4 seconds on the clock? Or the Kordell Stewart scamper vs. the Colts in the AFC Championship game where he stepped out of bounds? Bottom line: You can't change the past, it's opening Pandora's Box and that's never been a good thing.

Robin Hood and McGruber

Yup, hit the double today with Robin Hood and McGruber.
Robin Hood- Russell Crowe plays the silent, tough guy who is the fearless leader and great man nobody knows about. It heaps historical inaccuracies together and sprinkles in some fact based stuff. It has a little bit of action, but nothing worth watching. I think Cate Blanchett does a really good job, but the script/plot is really boring. I honestly almost fell asleep, that's not even a joke or an attempt at humor. It left it open for some fun sequels, but I can't imagine anyone greenlighting that after this shit-show. Crowe is an archer named Robin Longstride along with your classic Will Scarlett, Little John, and some dude who I really can't remember what his name was. They are fighting in the crusades together for the last ten years, King Richard is killed (stupidly), the nobles taking his crown home are ambushed and murdered, Robin agrees to take Locksley's sword back to his Papa as a deathbed wish. Robin them takes over the helm of being ruler of Nottingham and all the bullshit that goes with it. I like the King John in this one, interesting take on it. Sprinkled some truth about him pissing off the nobles and pissing on the original Magna Carte draft so the nobles would fight for him versus France.

Bottom Line: 5.2 out of 10. Not good at anything, too long and boring for what it should be. Shouldn't Robin Hood be robbing and fucking shit up?

McGruber- I am a sucker for idiotic, sophomoric humor that can be disgusting and wrong, so I enjoyed the film for the most part. Val Kilmer was pretty good as expected as Dieter Von Kunth, and the name led to some comedy for course. A couple of funny running jokes that I laughed at. Kristin Wiig is both gorgeous and hilarious, great combo. Ryan Phillippe is Ryan Phillippe, or however you spell his douchebag name. Side note: Way to fuck it up with Reese Witherspoon Shooter.
Movie has a barely acceptable plot, but has enough funny stuff to piece it together. As always McGruber is too stupid to believe, but it leads to some comedy. If you laugh at stupid shit, random gross stuff and profanity, then by all means see this film. I wouldn't pay to see it in a theatre and I imagine the unrated version will be funnier anyway.

Bottom line: 7.3 out of 10. This rating is too high, but I laughed enough to give it a higher rating than it truly deserves. I fucking enjoyed myself, OK? I'm going to cut your dick off and shove it down your throat.

Kalifornya Gurls

I just heard the latest pop shitfest from Katie Perry and I was far from pleased. I thought to myself, early/mid 90's Snoop would've backhanded the dimples off of Katie Perry if she would've THOUGHT to record this song, much less fucking participated. I came to the realization that I will have to hear this 400 more times this summer and it nearly made me swerve into a tree in anguish.

I just saw Hot Tub Time Machine and I thought it was OK, far from great. I did laugh probably 7 or so times out loud, which means it's worth a viewing. It'll be on cable soon enough and it will need to be seen unedited without question. It's not much of a movie, but has a few funny scenes that make it worthwhile. John Cusack returns to comedy, but Craig Robinson and Rob Corddry carry the film. They provide the only laughter you will enjoy. They didn't play up the 80's enough, there was a lot of shit to make fun of. Time travel happens after they try to cheer up Corddry's character because he tries to kill himself because life sucks, all of their lives suck. The time travel gives them a chance fix their past and make their present lives infinitely better, best part being Rob Corddry making a mockery of the whole thing.

Bottom Line: 6.3 out of 10. As previously stated, take a flier on it knowing you'll laugh a few times, but don't expect a plot/character development/a point.

Weighing in on sports: Celtics in 6 again, worked well for me last time.

Blackhawks in 5, not ready to get the brooms out, but I would certainly not be surprised. They just seem like "the team" of destiny. Doesn't hurt hockey to have a big market team win it all in a previously struggling area. Six or so years ago the Blackhawks were a wreck. Never winning a title during a time where they had most of the All-Star starting line-up (Belfour, Roenick, Chelios, Suter, Amonte, Murphy, Weinrich, Ruutu) had the once proud franchise in complete disarray. It's good to see them back in a power position is a good thing. They are close enough to WI that it's possible to see a game, which is an interesting prospect. Maybe I'll make it down for the riots.

French Open- Robin Soderling hits the ball like a fucking demon. I watched him hit Federer off the court, negating his incredible defense. Soderling's forehand is acid. He moves around and just destroys it on command. He is going to be a VERY tough out on clay if he can keep that nuclear blast in play. Really looking forward to a Nadal/Soderling rematch.

Ride with the Devil

SO, I decided to take a flier out on Ride with the Devil, an Ang Lee picture, which should have been my first indication that it would suck cock. Check out his filmography on imdb.com if you doubt this one. The cast is just ridiculous however sporting Mark Ruffalo (super small role), Skeet Ulrich (Dude has to be on drugs or something to have such ups and downs), Tom Wilkenson, Jewell, Tobey Maguire, Jim "Jesus" Caviezel, Johnny Rhys Meyers, Simon Baker, Jeffrey Wright (black CIA dude in Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace). Movie should be super interesting about an insane time/place in US history. Border "states" because some technically weren't states, just territories during the civil war were neither Union, nor Confederate. There was a large gray area where gangs rode wild, most famously Quantrill's raiders, who pretty much killed, burned, generally just fucked shit up. How could this film be boring? Let me divulge.

They throw in some random-ass useless love story between Skeet Ulrich and Jewell. Could be about the gangs going around killing and pillaging everything, BUT NOOOOOOO. Had a few decent action scenes, but at weighing in at 2.15 hours, it was WAYYYY too few to make a human male happy. Throw in accents that aren't too enjoyable and you have trouble. I'm guessing this was one of Tobey's big breaks before Spider-Man, but it is far from decent. Great ensemble cast, long and boring story void of action in most parts.

Bottom line: 5.4 out of 10. It is watchable, I just don't know why you would.

French Open thoughts

The French Open gets a bad rap because Americans can't play on "dirt". It's actually the best tennis you will likely see all year. The French Open you can actually see points constructed and hard work, not a serve and sitter like at Wimbledon. You get rallies and defense, not a serve and a missed return.

The technology of rackets has forced tennis into an immense transformation into a game strictly played behind the baseline and this guy isn't a big fan of it. I do like the French Open based on the fact it is the best surface for watching points being constructed and earned, but it does not feature net play at all in reality. Teaching high school tennis taught me how the net is completely misunderstood and under-utilized in the game of tennis. It has consistently amazed me how some players in the pro ranks looked lost while at the net. The first player that popularized the net being your enemy was one of my favorites sadly, Andre Agassi. Sure Agassi could volley, but my God did he make it seem uncomfortable. The simple reality is that be reducing your distance between your opponent and yourself you create angles at the net not possible from the baseline and cut down on your opponents time to react to such shots. Following an aggressive and deep baseline shot where you are inside the baseline stepping into the ball just follow your logical momentum to the net and put away the following volley that will almost certainly have very little on it. I can't figure out how players are SO content just to sit and wait for the subsequent weak, floating shot following an aggressive ground-stroke pulling your opponent out of position.

I suffered through Taylor Dent, the last real serve and volley player alive basically, hit slice backhands from the baseline and get destroyed like Poland in WWII by Robin Soderling instead of chipping and charging, or utilizing his only strength over Soderling, net play. FUCK, why does technology have to force tennis into a baseliners paradise?

24 goes out like a lamb

So, I never was a monster 24 fan but caught the first season and the 7th & 8th and I will admit Keifer Sutherland as Jack Bauer is as good as it gets on TV. The man is an utter menace. He puts dicks in the dirt, tortures, does whatever he wants, and generally doesn't give a fuck about anything besides his objective. It was pretty painful to see them not let him continue to be the greatest renegade badass in history on his send-off. I guess I can't ruin it, but for the last episode for TV (movies are sure to follow) they really candy assed it up. I really can't even recommend watching it because it lacked Jack Bauer doing WORK.

NHL I have started watching again and the Blackhawks just look destined. They absolutely beat-up on an ultra-talented #1 seeded San Jose Sharks team that failed to take a game from them. The Hawks do have one curse, Marian Hossa. He left the Wings, they won the Cup, he left the Penguins and they beat the Wings in the Stanley Cup while he was playing for the Red ones. I can't imagine the Flyers, who have been completely on fire, will put up a real fight.
No curses in Chicago on the ice, Hawks in 5. Yeah, they'll lose a game somewhere.

Celtics have silenced the explosive Magic and slowed them to a crawl. Orlando was awfully lucky to limp away with a victory last night. The old men of Boston have paced themselves to perfection and like a track athlete are peaking at the right time due to tapering. Everyone took it easy, got healthy, and have relied on Rondo's quickness to create for everyone else. I see a victory for Bahston over the Lakers or Suns. We saw what happens to the Lakers vs. the Celtics from two years ago. Insert Ron Artest, I don't see much of a difference. Gasol gets beat-up down low, Bynum looks inept vs. Garnett and they can't put Gasol on Garnett all game because he's too soft/ could get in foul trouble. Rondo cannot be defended by anyone on LA, so that'll be the real factor. Derek Fisher doesn't have a prayer and I don't see Jordan Farmer, Shannon Brown, or anyone else staying in front of Rondo. The Suns vs. Celtics would be more entertaining, but the Suns don't have the D or toughness to hang with a quality Celtics team that simply wouldn't allow fast break/ cheap baskets. Unless Stoudamire can outplay Garnett soundly for an entire series, which I refuse to be possible, the Celtics have that one in the bag as well.

Regahdless- Bahston in 6. SAWX are playin' like Fahwks. (Sox are playing like Fucks= translation)