Girl with a Dragon Tattoo

Preface: I knew nothing about the story going into this besides the author was murdered after completing the trilogy. I was excited that David Fincher was the director (Trent Reznor does the music as well as a crazy/cool credit sequence) and you will see the overtones of Seven in this film. Nothing is well lit, constantly taking place at night, in dimly lit rooms, or on rainy days. The cast is outstanding. Rooney Mara deserves an incredible amount for excelling in an insanely difficult role asking A LOT out of an actress. Notable actresses wouldn't have taken such a role demanding a ghastly rape scene, murder, and to carry yourself as an outcast with mental issues. I personally am a HUGE fan of Stellan Skaarsgard and in my slanted opinion he isn't used enough. Daniel Craig is excellent and you'll notice familiar faces throughout like Christopher Plummer, Robin Wright, and my personal favorite from Rambo: First Blood Part II Steven Berkoff.

The story follows mainly two people, the first a disgraced journalist found to have used tainted material (planted material) about a HUGE businessman who has since sued him successfully for $600K. That'd be Daniel Craig's character who separates himself from his magazine and lover, the married co-editor played by Robin Wright. He is offered a chance to work independently as an investigator for a rich Swedish businessman intent on finding out what happened to his niece 40-some years prior. Rooney Mara is a social outcast, but brilliant investigator, NEIGH, the best investigator at a private firm. She investigated Craig's character for the Swedish businessman who hires him for the job. They eventually set about working together on the case and it goes deeper than you'd imagine. Fantastic everything, probably my favorite film of the year. Superbly done in every way.

Bottom Line: 9.1 out of 10. Great story, cast, script, and director. A beautiful marriage of talents. One gripe, probably should end sooner, but I imagine it stayed true to the book, so that probably wasn't an option.

MI:4 =Ghost Protocol

I really enjoyed this film. I figured I'd check it out after I read a 3 1/2 star review, and I wanted to see an entertaining film as well. Very solid cast highlighted by Tom Cruise, Simon Pegg, and Jeremy Renner. Cruise doubles as an amazing stuntman climbing around the tallest building in the world like it was a play-toy. Paula Patton does very well in the first movie I've seen her in. I can't say enough about Cruise doing stunts that VERY few other legitimate stars would do. It's an amazing effort, and I'm not a real big Tom Cruise fan generally. The story line follows Cruise and his team attempting to get to Soviet launch codes before a rogue extremist "Cobalt" gets his hands on them. Inevitably things get completely fucked up and "Ghost Protocol" is enacted, meaning the U.S. Government has disavowed any knowledge or dealings with MI: 6. It's an entertaining action movie, but it really controls the ridiculous factor and doesn't get too out of hand with insane stunts that lack any hint of reality. Entertained you will be, I'd say the 2nd best of the MI series.

Bottom Line: 7.6 out of 10. Very solid and entertaining. Great story and cast that carry along effortlessly. You certainly don't feel like you've been there for 2 hours watching a film. I'd check it out in theaters, it's worth a watch.

So you're saying there's a chance?

So now the steroids setback with Braun has become insanely convoluted and we may actually have some sort of season to look forward to, if Greinke screws his head back on straight and decides to buck up, or we trade him for Hanley Ramirez. I really felt like Braun was done for and that meant the Brewers were done for, at least 50 games of struggling to score a couple runs awaited us. I really believe this will still somehow not work out and Braun will face a 50-game suspension, but how is baseball getting private medical tests that they should have no sort of access to? That's a frightening, strange occurrence that ESPN should have never ran with, but that will never stop them. Real journalism is pretty well gone and a quick quote from some cousin twice removed or some bullshit source throws something out there, I'm thinking there should be a little more fact checking involved.

Side note: I'm in a fantasy basketball league that I am struggling to get through. I realize most of my basketball knowledge isn't up to par, but this season is set to be a mess. Back-to-back-to-back games crushed into a 66-game shortened schedule means a lot of the old horses of war (Looking at you Timmay) are going to be hurting quite a bit and missing time. I went with a youth movement which at one point had Amare Stoudemire as my oldest player, currently that crown rests with Mo "Chewbacca" Williams. Check this out, offer some advice if you feel up to it: Russell Westbrook, Amare Stoudemire, John Wall, Eric Gordon, Andrew Bynum, Demarcus Cousins, Andray Blatche, David West, Stephen Jackson, Tyler Hansborough, Nic Batum, Trevor Ariza, Brandon Knight, Ed Davis, Mo Williams. Rotisserie scoring, thinking assists & assist to turnover ratio is going to be hurting, but I like the youth and expect more than a few breakouts from that squad. Roster pick-up ideas are encouraged if y'all have some ideas.

Steroids, the New Vitamin C

Upon the recent news Ryan Braun just punched every Brewer fan in the back of the skull testing positive for some substance MLB has banned, I've taken the approach that everyone is guilty, some are just better at hiding it. If you just assume everyone is taking PED's (Performance Enhancing Drugs for people who aren't sports junkies) it's easier to not want baseball to burn in it's own flaming hell. Somehow the sports is growing in popularity despite Bud Selig being ugly, old, and behind the times. Was blissful ignorance the best way to go about things? I don't think so, but I really hate watching the ensuing shit-show of positive tests we are privy to. A-Rod, Manny, Big Papi, and Bruan are perennial fan favorites and legitimate superstars who aren't smart enough to dodge testing, or good enough to not have to use PED's. For whatever reason each one of these megastars have decided to juice up and roll the dice. Braun is the most painful for me, not only because I'm a Brewer fan, but he was so young and promising. This will follow him for the rest of his career and life. Who knows if people forgive/forget with time, but currently that steroid tag is keeping a shit-ton of great baseball players out of the Hall of Fame, all hatred for the voting fuckfaces aside.
He cripples a small market franchise for 50 games, or enough to severely fuck them if they can't score runs. This is the last year this team is a contender, and that's with two enormous holes to fill at 1B (more importantly the clean-up spot) and SS. Aramis Ramirez was an enormous signing, but without Braun or Fielder I fail to see it having a huge impact. Hopefully they can tread water for 50 games and stay above .500 and turn it on with a healthy Braun for the last 112 games, but if things start going South there's going to be a fire sale on Grienke and Marcum probably and the Brewers will be a few years from being much of anything unless lightning strikes twice and they find willing traders of quality pitching.
Not sure how Ramirez is going effect Taylor Greene being on the club, but I was a fan of Greene. Compact, quick swing, and pretty athletic. Not sure on his outfield/first baseman ability, but I liked his swing and hope he can turn into a productive player ASAP.
Braun is the villain for now as details will come to light and blame will be thrown around. Damage isn't done for sure, but nobody has won an appeal. I'd like for someone to admit it was their urine and lay on this grenade for us, but since that isn't possible or feasible, we probably just witnessed the failure of our only legitimate shot to win the World Series in my lifetime, last year being excluded.

Baseball Hall of Fame Voters- Unfuck yourselves

Ron Santo has been denied the Hall of Fame for the last 27 years. The year after he passes away, he's in the Hall of Fame, voted in by the same fucking clown shoes shitheaded idiots who've denied him the last 26 years. Did Santos start playing again at 70 and improve his stats in 2010? NOPE, he just died, and for some reason rather than letting a lifetime "baseball man" and damn fine player in THE HALL when he could enjoy it while alive with his family and friends, some other player gets to eulogize him for a Hall of Fame speech. It fucking sickens me. Buck O'Neil had the privilege of announcing 17 Negro League players into the Hall of Fame in 2006, but he didn't get in, he fell short of the needed votes, though posthumously he got THE FUCKING PRESIDENTIAL MEDAL OF FREEDOM for his efforts. Anyone see an issue here? These fucking idiots who never played baseball sit in a luxurious room with fine wines and smell the farts from one another while pontificating and acting better than everyone else. They have no real code or standards, just bullshit and people they like, or don't like. Mark Mcguire played in a steroid littered era and admitted using androstenidine (something like that), which was legal, but he's not in the hall despite worthy numbers due to his steroid use, yet felonies and violent racism isn't enough to keep people out of The Hall. The Era they played in and the stats provided should be the major determining factor. You shouldn't need a fucking media campaign to get voted into The Hall like Bert Blyleven. Shameless begging and pandering hasn't gotten Pete Rose in, who played the game as hard as anyone and left the career hits leader among a litany of other accomplishments, but HOLY SHIT, he gambled on baseball games while being a manager and 26 years later he hasn't learned his lesson or been forgiven. He should plan on being put into the ground before he gets in, so hopefully he selects someone to give a good speech on his behalf. Fuck the Voters and expand the veterans committee before I run around beating the shit out of writers I find out have voting rights.

General Summary: Each voting cycle, qualified members of the BBWAA name no more than 10 eligible players whom they consider worthy of Hall of Fame honors. To be enshrined, a player must be named on at least 75% of the voters' ballots. Currently, players are removed from the ballot if they are named on fewer than 5% of ballots or have been on the ballot 15 times without election.

Qualified my fucking ass.

Adjustment Bureau

Matt Damon kicks some ass as a NY politician who is running for Senate. He meets a girl in a bathroom after losing the election of 2006, they kiss, he becomes infatuated with her, but can't be with her because men in hats tell him he can't. They tie together religion in an interesting fashion with the "Adjustment Bureau" because essentially they are angels who lead you into decisions and make sure "the right things happen". Excellent cast and a good, unique story that we never get these days. Damon is great as always and nobody else disappoints on any level. I was a big fan of this movie. It's dynamic and combines action with a love story. It's so rare we get something unique and decent, it was refreshing.

Bottom line: 7.7 out of 10. Really worth a rental or it's currently running on HBO.

Contagion

I was excited about Contagion because watching Gwyneth Paltrow die an agonizing death made me joyous. Contagion became like Outbreak where an unknown disease comes to our borders. Contagion is really interesting and has a strong ensemble cast including Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Lawrence Fishbourne, Elliot Gould, and previously stated target of my hatred Gwyneth Paltrow. Paltrow comes back from a business trip to Hong Kong with flu-like symptoms, but ends up dying two days later. Other people start dying who were exposed, an epidemic ensues, this is the story of how it gets contained and treated in essentially real-time. I was a big fan, though the bouncing from story to story got a little old because I wanted a greater focus on Fishbourne and the CDC, but the other characters are interesting enough to not ruin the movie. It gives a little bit of a worldly view of the outbreak, I just don't care about Hong Kong villages as much as I should perhaps. I love the inside look at the CDC and damage control during crazy times. Fishbourne is rock solid in his role as CDC director. He's the best part of the film as he deals with the various bombs getting dropped all around him. This was better than expected and worth a viewing.

Bottom Line: 7.0 out of 10. Worth a rental, or if you live in the Madison area, a viewing for $3 at Market Square on Odana (I probably should get sponsored by them...) I can't imagine anyone being disappointed as this movie maintains tension and a general sense of unease and excitement throughout.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

I saw this at the cheap seats for $3, so I didn't go in with a lot of risk here. This film attempts to explain how the previous Planet of the Apes films are possible. I like how it tries to make it possible for monkeys to become smarter, it's not too crazy. James Franco is a scientist possessed to find a cure for Alzheimer's because his dad (John Lithgow) suffers severely from it. His company tests on monkeys, monkeys get violent and need to be put down, Franco can't put down an infant ape who was born with the chemical in their bloodstream so he sneaks it home and treats it like his own child. Ape attacks a man who attacks John Lithgow, gets thrown in an ape prison of sorts (Brian Cox of course runs it) and is mistreated. He trains the other apes, breaks out, exposes them to the chemical to make them smart (Alzheimer's Cure) which Franco has now produced in gas form because liquid form wouldn't combine with his dad's tissue for an extended period of time. Ape's get smart, escape, run wild and piss me off. If anyone can explain to me how ape's can overrun a SWAT team with guns without getting shot to shit reasonably, maybe I would have cared about this film. I made no emotional attachment to the ape-baby thing, so the movie didn't work for me. Franco and the cast is solid, story is respectable, I just got pissed when apes are lightening quick, bulletproof demons. It was preposterous.

Bottom Line: 6.1 out 10. You can watch it when it's free, just don't expect to be wowed by really anything.

Penn State- YICK

I stand on the outside of this for the most part because everything about this pisses me off. I am one of the few that finds the blame heaped on Joe Paterno as unwarranted and unfair. I will throw about some arguments that you may or may not agree with, but I feel without question his departure was unceremonious and unfair. Before I argue for him he spent 46 years at that University making it something. He donated over $5 million dollars in the last 10 years to build a library and hospital. I really think Paterno has done more for Penn State than any other man has done for any other University in history. On to the uncomfortable stuff.

Paterno is a head football coach and at the time in question he was 70-something years old. A graduate assistant says, with NO conviction or specific graphic language, that your colleague and probably close friend of over 30 years was doing something in the shower with a boy. Paterno goes to his A.D. & the campus police with the knowledge, which underwent two investigations that NEVER became a case tragically, and when nothing becomes of it that's the end for him. He's not a detective, crusader, or anything besides a 70 year old football coach. McQuery deserves the most ire for his failure to better portray what he saw into something meaningful. He's the witness, the person who actually saw a sexually perverse act, but somehow failed to convince anyone of it's seriousness. His wholesale failure is the issue. The scorched earth policy of condemning other people is a bullshit cop-out by the University to distance themselves from something they completely failed to deal with. Universities will try to handle things are their own instead of jumping to the police, my sister explained that to me about the situation following her three years stint as a Hall Director & her husbands experience with campus security. Paterno went up the chain of command, passed his limited knowledge to those in power to do their jobs. Paterno is the biggest name, so he gets the biggest blame.

A group of trustees and gutless assholes decided to use this to finally get him out the door. They wanted him out in 2004 but Paterno refused to resign. His life is so intertwined to Penn State I feel like he can't live without it. He's given more years of his life to Penn State than anyone reading this has lived. To think he'd do anything to bring shame to the school makes no sense. I don't understand how anyone could want him to do more than what he did. He took the limited information he had to the people he was supposed to and they failed the victims, just like McQuery failed the victims. Paterno has no reason to get crucified on this. There were 50 other people who have more blame than Paterno, but this gets heaped on him to force him to stop coaching football to save the University his salary, but to lose their souls. Penn State is fucked either way, now they are fucked and without honor or loyalty. Rolling over on Paterno solves nothing and proves nothing. Salinsky will still burn in hell and prison for the rest of his days, Penn State will suffer in recruiting and enrollment for the foreseeable future, and Joe Paterno will still be involved in trying to make Penn State better even after it threw him on a grenade that they pulled the pin on.

The Rite- It's Alright

Being a fan & genuinely frightened by exorcism and demonic possession (and Anthony Hopkins) I felt like I needed to give The Rite a shot. The central character is a non-believer going through school to become a Priest because it's a free education and what his family (Dad) wants it. He has a creepy past of working in his dad's mortuary and it's creepy. He questions God & his purpose, but with a few threats from the Montsenior he goes to Rome to learn about exorcism. While in school the friend of the Montsenior sets him up with Anthony Hopkins who is a living legend of exorcism. He starts treating patients suffering from demonic possession, most notably a pregnant lady probably raped by her father. Young guy thinks she not possessed, but psychological trauma is causing her problems and Hopkins refutes that by having him witness crazy shit. It's pretty decent effects and creepy acting. The mood and setting is great, good use of lighting. Pretty good acting, Hopkins is excellent. The movie hits a fever pitch when Hopkins is possessed and pretty much terrifying. His possession is the best part, but WAYYYY too short. It ends way too quickly rather than reaping the benefits of a crazy Hopkins who is genuinely scary.

Bottom line: 6.4 out of 10. I'd recommend it. I watched it On Demand and it's totally worth it for Hopkins alone.

Ides of March

Ides of March is a story about the political machine in America. Trying to elect a man President involves shady back-dealings and side deals. Ryan "Baby Goose" Gosling is the up and coming superstar in campaign planning. He's #2 to the wise old hand of Phillip Seymour Hoffman. George Clooney is the can't miss Democratic party candidate who is running neck and neck with some other schmuck. Other schmuck is lead by the craft Paul Giamotti and political dealings and and craziness ensue. All mixed up in this is the cute intern played by a pretty blond chick I'm too lazy to look up. Gosling is doing mad work for Clooney who should be doing great, but the Republicans are voting for the other schmuck so they have a better chance to win the upcoming election. Things take a crazy turn when Giamotti attempts to seduce Gosling to his campaign calmly telling him that he's on the wrong team and that they will win Ohio and NC, wrapping up the election. Gosling starts banging hot intern, hot intern bagged Clooney and got knocked up in an amazingly short timeline by him. Everything goes into crazy tailspin mode and it's pretty good. Very solid acting all around, but the story is frankly pretty boring and lacks suspense and action. Certainly worth watching when it's nice and cheap/free for you.

Bottom Line: 7.3 out of 10. Very solid movie through and through. Big fan of Clooney directing and the great ensemble cast he put together.

The Wire, SOOO GOOOD

I've been ripping through the Wire season 1 like Lindsey Lohan through dime bags. I really don't think I've ever seen a show this solid. It has the scariest character ever in Omar. Omar runs through the projects with a shotgun and everyone clears out. He's the best character I have ever seen. The show is a portrayal of a crime organization who runs drugs in the projects of Baltimore. On the flip side is the Baltimore police and a special unit designed to catch Avon Barksdale, the man who runs everything, but nobody knows anything about. A rock solid ensemble cast, some of whom get re-used by HBO to this day (OMAR= Chalky White). It's a real drama that has great enough characters for you to care about what happens to them. Too much talent encompass this with greatness. The show sheds light on the flaws of police, junkie, dealer, and officials alike. It shows humanity in all aspects of people, even a dude named WeeBay who shoots people often, yet has 8 fish tanks he cares for like children. I've ran through ALMOST all of season 1, and I'm pretty much hellbent on ripping through all the seasons ASAP. Looks like I'll take a few remaining vacation days to just rip through a season a day. Simply the finest drama I can think of, right on par with Sons of Anarchy, only I REALLY like how it shines light on the police aspect with much greater intensity, but it's also on HBO, so F-bombs and murder rain all over it. The realism is unparalleled. WATCH THIS SHIT OR I'M SENDING OMAR AT YOU.

Hey Basketball, WHAT THE FUCK?

I watched a top ten last night with like 4 fucking soccer highlights. I normally love soccer highlights, but these were fucking weak. It had to have been the worst top ten that I've ever seen. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew that I did not enjoy it. I just realized that without basketball, and with baseball ending very soon, I am going to be watching perhaps hockey, but more likely I will watch no sports at all until college basketball fires up. I was just accepting the NBA as a good league again. Lots of young, incredible talent. Some parody going on in the league. Defense being played somewhat, though it still sickens me how slanted the rules are to promote offense. They shit on a lot of goodwill and momentum building from last season. I don't understand how any player can sit out for a year. A 50/50 split between owners is a shitload better than it should be. Where's some compromising to get things rolling? Why are the players fine with throwing away an entire season? Why is this a good time to strike, AGAIN? Basketball has 12 guys on a team, not 25 like baseball, or 53 (though it's blurry) with football. Sign the current deal to a one-year extension and fight this out during the season and next offseason. Don't throw away everything earned by normal people giving a shit about you again.

Harry Potter: It's Over

I finally watched the last Harry Potter movie, The Deathly Hallow part II. I was a fan of how the movie did it's best to pull everything together in a quick, concise manner, but the ending was just weak. In this epic battle of good and evil how were there not mountains of corpses happening? I was disappointed in the overall lack of death and how quickly the nice little bow was wrapped around the whole thing. SPOILER ALERT: Voldemort dies and everyone becomes regular ass old people in 3 minutes. That's not how you end an 8 movie epic series. Voldemort needed to have a crazy, painful death that was a huge spiritual moment for Harry instead of WHOOPS, he's gone now. Also, how can you show grown up Harry, Ron, Hermoine, and Jenny as just regular ass people? It was basically like, Harry's an accountant now, SWEET. Ron is a janitor or some bullshit and they don't do anything cool. It was total bullshit in my mind. I needed at least one main character to die saving the rest, or SOMETHING. There was so much to work with there and I felt like all the shockers and amazing plot twists were just thrown out there and now it's time to end things quickly all of the sudden. Great movie, except there is a LOT of room for improvement in the last 30 minutes to make me not SOOO disappointed with how quickly the ride was over.

Bottom Line: 8.3 out of 10. It's really good, but ends so quickly and unsatisfyingly that it left a bad taste in my mouth.

Breaking Back: The James Blake Story

I recently bought Breaking Back, James Blake's autobiography to get free shipping from Amazon.com on Topspin 4 for PS3. I knew it was a book I wanted to read because Blake, similar to myself, lost a parent to cancer. I thought my interest in tennis, and primitive knowledge of James Blake would be a perfect match. The first thing you will notice is James Blake is extremely well read and versed. He is after all a Harvard student of four semesters. He's one of the smartest athletes you will ever meet. His lifelong love of education passed to him by both of his parents. He's a very interesting person, he just doesn't really dig deep enough in this for my liking. He does talk about the different things that happen to him: Reaching top 25 ranking, fracturing a vertebrae, losing his dad to cancer, having a zoster that paralyzed half his face and cost him most of his athletic abilities for a few months. It's all spoken in mainly generalities and he really doesn't let you into his most intimate thoughts and feeling is what I thought. It's well-written and a good memoir for his personal records, but I didn't really feel like it was personal enough. You learned some of his fears, but you could've guessed them yourself. It was nice shout-out to his friends and family as well, but once again it just scratched the surface I felt. You don't get to KNOW any of his friends or family, they are just mentioned along with a few attributes/characteristics. It's interesting and you learn a lot about James Blake, but his failure to capitalize with a major, or be a major player on the international stage also hurts the feel-good aspect of the story. It is almost a miracle he is on the professional tour and he has accomplished and overcome a great deal, so KUDOS and hats off to James Blake. You end up having to cheer for him, but he's already old for the pro tour and in the twilight of his career, but perhaps he's got another run at the U.S. Open in him to remind us of the brilliant and athletic brand of tennis he is capable of. Anyone who was a witness of the U.S. Open match in the Quarterfinals against Agassi in I think 2006 knows exactly what I'm talking about.

Bottom Line: Read if you are interested in James Blake, or an athletes point of view on career, family, loss, life, and friendship. I'm not giving it a point ranking, that wouldn't make me feel good as a human being.

Moneyball the Movie- Brad Pitt Rapes Baseball

That isn't fair, but I really didn't like this movie because I read the book and Pitt completely dominated the film, where in reality Billy Beane did nothing close to what he was projected as doing. It was a much larger effort than Beane and Paul Dipodestro, who refused to have his name associated with the movie and is Paul Brand. The story is the 2002 Oakland A's and how they overcame losing Jason Giambi, Johnny Damon, and Jason Isringhausen off of a great, young 2001 club who lost in the ALDS Game 5 to the Yankees (standard). It never gets mentioned the incredible pitching staff of Barry Zito, Tim Hudson, Corey Lidle, Mark Mulder, and Aaron Harang, just the incredibly GRITTY veterans with high OBP's who helped them win. I get pissed off when you get fed bullshit in a movie even if it isn't a documentary. That team was pitching based, fuck everything else. They had a great bullpen anchored by a great finds in Corey Bradford (especially), but also Billy Koch, Jeff Tam, and Jim Mecir. No need to mention that at all, only Bradford got even a nod in the movie where he has an entire chapter devoted to him in the book. I hated the dramatization of Beane's role in giving pep talks and advice to players, along with Jonah Hill acting as Paul Dipodesto. Scott Hatteberg gets shit on for playing bad defense, yet yielded a .994 fielding percentage. Bottom line is the A's never made it past the first round of the playoffs, but they play the Moneyball concept to explain how the Red Sox won the 2004 World Series. Johnny Damon is a Moneyball money pit, but he was the starting centerfielder, as was former A Keith Foulke as the closer, that was what Moneyball gave them. That team won because nobody could beat Schilling, Pedro, and Lowe/Wakefield in a 7-game series and David Ortiz played out of his fucking mind in clutch moments. It wasn't they walked a shit-ton, or only had cheap, high OPS players. They paid a shit-load of money for great players + a few guys who had decent OBP's, but Kevin Millar, Gabe Kapler and Mark Bellhorn were certainly NOT the reason the Red Sox won the World Series.

Sorry, I couldn't judge this movie solely as a movie because I read the book. It totally got in the way, so I really can't give an accurate ranking, but here's what I thought.

6.2 out of 10. An attempt at a feel-good baseball movie that really just scratched the Moneyball surface. Really just a Brad Pitt vehicle with baseball and arrogance sprinkled in. See when it's free, so don't pay $10 FUCKING DOLLARS to be disappointed, per usual.

SNL- The Written History

I just completed a book on the entire history of Saturday Night Live up until around 2004 and it was phenomenal. It's really interesting because it's written from the perspective of all the former cast members, writers, and some producers/creators. A great mix of talent and interesting perspective on an incredible force of pop culture and American culture. Interesting facts and opinions are abound in this essentially autobiographical recollection of a great THING in America that's been around longer than most of us have been alive. 1975 ushered in the most talented cast in SNL and TV history and it's gone up and down since experiencing highs and lows, failure and success all intertwined throughout the last 36 years. Highly recommend it and I am super excited to read the book the authors did about ESPN. Lorne Michels is for the most part incredibly respected, but there were more than a few people who flat out did not like the man in any way. The amount of fun facts I can't even describe, but it is SUPER interesting. I went out and bought season 4 for $15 from Best Buy, the last season the entire original cast (except Chevy Chase) and I'm very excited to watch it and enjoy. So much talent walked through those doors it has almost defined comedy in America for the last 35 years through the actors and what they went on to do on and off the show. DAMON WAYANS was even on for 1/2 a season. Chevy Chase was only on for 2 years, another shocker.

The Wild Bunch

I took a flier on The Wild Bunch, a 1968 western that introduced violence and gore to the western genre, and really American cinema, the likes of which we've never seen. Ernest Borgnine and Sam Peckinpah are the stars of a mixed cast a badass men who rob and outlaw for a living. The movie starts with them attempting to rob a bank in a small town that gets shot to shit because the railroad hired bounty hunters to wait for them and execute/capture them in any manner possible. Only the four main characters escape to move on to the next big job. They are picked to run guns for a Mexican dictator/ general from the USA for big money. It falls apart in spectacular fashion and really is a fun, interesting, good movie from credits to FIN. I was amazed what was all in the film in terms of violence and content. It's not the reason you see the film, but it had to be groundbreaking for the time. Stronger acting that expected and a great story makes this a VERY good film.

Bottom Line: 8.1 out of 10. Highly recommend seeing this film. I'd be amazed if you'd be disappointed. There is a lull in the middle, but it's really well done with character development running rampant.

Warriors- Classic Badassery

The Warriors was a cult classic I never got to sit down and enjoy. The movie from 1979 is pretty much balls out from minute one. It's a supposedly futuristic story about New York city being divided into the different sections run by different street gangs of varying toughness. The Warriors are a badass group from Coney Island who rock sicks leather vests. There is a huge meeting of all the gangs headed by Cyrus, a man who can bring the gangs together and take over the city. He reminds them there are 60,000 gang members and 20,000 cops in the city, CAN YOU DIIIIIGGGGG IIIITTTTTT? He is promptly shot and the Warriors are wrongfully blamed and they are hunted all the way back to Coney Island. There is hardly any downtown from the crazy scraps along the way from the different gangs. It's just a great premise executed very well with a small budget. I was surprised more actors didn't come out of this film as regular actors getting work. There are some obvious moments where the small budget is an issue, but I think it's a very good film.

Bottom Line: 8.2 out of 10. It's simply very entertaining and unique. It's a film I'm going to watch again in the near future and just soak it in. Short on character development, but the story is important, not them.

Sharapova- Kid Gloves are Off

I saw Sharapova today and the same thought plunges into my head: "How is she still considered a Russian?" If you were born in a different school district, when you moved did you still play for that team? Did your achievements count for that school? Why does she get to experience life from age 4 up in America, yet play in the Olympics and Federation Cup (Where countries play other countries in women's tennis) FOR RUSSIA? If this were during the Cold War I'm fairly certain her extended family would be murdered. She has been trained in America at the Bolliteiri Academy, most of those years as a scholarship athlete, YUP, we footed that bill. SO, Sharapova spends approximate 0 time in Russia, except when ESPN sent her over there for a touching special since she never spent anytime there since her family decided that decrepit SHITHOLE WASN'T FIT FOR HUMAN LIFE. Someone explain this one to me. It doesn't stop there since many foreign women players make this same choice (pull this same shit). Jelena Jankovic, Anna Kournikova (Free pass on that one), Martina Hingis, and I'll throw in Ana Ivanovic (there are more). How is that fair in any way, shape, or form? I love training other countries women to kick our countries ass in tennis, it's fucking brilliant. I hope they enjoy the free education as well, and hopefully they can get free health care and food stamps too for their other family members. That's a low blow, but it is totally fucking ridiculous.

Field of Dreams

A movie so beautiful it's almost painful. A movie glorifying our national past-time and the movie is even better than the game itself. It's beautiful and innocent beyond words. It's so incredibly well done I feel like you could just plug and play in actors and actresses and it wouldn't matter. I can't imagine anyone else giving James Earl Jones' speech about baseball being the one constant throughout American history though. The movie simplifies life in a way that all that truly matters is playing and enjoying baseball. It is getting some heavy rotation on Starz and it is simply a must see. It matters not if you don't like baseball, it's so much greater than that. It transcends the "sports movie" title and is truly one of the best movies of my lifetime.

9.7 out 10- Really just about as close to perfect as possible. "You wanna have a catch" is without question one of the most likely movie moments to induce grown men to tears.

X-Men First Class (Some of it may be)

I finally watched X-Men First Class at the cheap seats. It was the first of the Summer hero blockbusters (I think). It threw together an interesting cast that held up better than I expected. Michael Fassbender does an awesome job as Magneto(F. Assbender, shout out to Filmdrunk), James McAvoy was an excellent early Professor X, Kevin Bacon is a very good evil scientist/ smug asshole, I thought January Jones was great to look at, as was Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique. Lawrence has a future, she's excellent and underrated in the HOT department, which comes out when she struts around in Mystique's natural blue form, which makes an actress strut around with nothing but pasted scales on her body. Rose Byrne is very good as Moira MacTaggert, and very easy on the eyes. There is some weaknesses in the unknowns playing the teenage mutants, especially some kid named Lucas Till as Havoc. The story creates it's own story of how Professor X and Magneto came together and how the mutant vs. human shitshow began. The story is true to nothing but itself, following little from the comics or previous films. I thought it was a good story, tying in events from history to enrich the story. It gets a little out of hand and ridiculous, as one would imagine. I like how it explains things on its own rather than follow a predestined story from the comics, but it also is a betrayal to the comics. If you are an X-Men purist you may not enjoy it, but take the work on its own.

Bottom Line: 7.6 out of 10. A decent film taken on its own. I don't think it revolutionized the X-Men franchise in any way, but it left some possibility for interesting future films utilizing F.Assbender and Lawrence as its stars. I would see the film, but you can certainly wait until its on video.

Jim Thome- Hats off

Jim Thome, a man who you never hear a bad word about, just bashed his 599th & 600th home runs as a major league baseball player. It is an immortal milestone only 8 other players have ever matched. Thome has done so without the controversy of so many others of his generation. Nobody would accuse Thome of taking steroids. Not the man who won't turn down an autograph, or turn away a fan at a restaurant. He's a class act, the kind that we don't hear enough about. Jim Thome has been in the league 21 seasons, starting in 1990 as a 20 year-old third baseman. He grew into himself and became a brutally strong hitting first baseman. Like classic Henry Aaron style, he's only eclipsed 50 homers once and 40 homers six times during his heyday with the Indians. Consistency and kindness are what makes Thome unique in his accomplishments. You don't hear anyone in baseball talk badly about Jim Thome, or really anyone for that matter. A great quote was said by Joe Nathan, and really all of his Twins teammates worship Thome, ESPN didn't have to hunt very far for people to say glowing words of praise about Thome.

"He is the world's nicest man," said Twins closer Joe Nathan. "He's one of those guys that the hype is so great before you meet him, then he lives up to the hype, and more. When you see him from across the field, you think, 'He can't be that nice,' but he is. He is so genuine. There are other players that will be forgotten when they leave, but he will not be. We will be talking about him for years to come. To me, he's like [Hall of Famer] Harmon Killebrew. They are one in the same. When you meet both of those guys for the first time, you think, 'Wow, this is someone that I will be wanting to talk to on a daily basis.'"

"Jim Thome is the best," said Twins reliever Matt Capps. "I've been to dinner with him, and people come to our table, and he takes time to say hi to a kid. I've seen guys with six months in the big leagues snub a kid in a restaurant. Not Jim, and he is a first-ballot Hall of Famer. He'll talk to a guy who knew him from Cleveland in 1993. He is a role model for all of us, he is like every one of us would like to be. I'd like to get 20 years in the big leagues like him."

"He is the nicest, gentlest, kindest guy you will ever meet … to everything except the baseball, he still hits that really hard," said Twins outfielder Michael Cuddyer. "When he walks in a room, everyone watches everything he does. It's the way he treats people, it's the way he respects the game. When I heard he was re-signing with us, I was so happy for a lot of reasons, but one reason was I wanted to be there for when he hit No. 600. Every night, I would pray that I was on base when he hit his 600th home run."

I love hearing things like that about someone as great as Thome. He's an even better teammate and person than baseball player. I especially like the Killebrew comparisons. A man who tragically passed earlier this year that people were lining up to say great things about because they were compelled to do so, and it was so easy for them. I hope Thome enjoys this and continues to be an awesome person getting his farewell tour at the stadiums he's lit up with his personality and bat for all these years.

Limitless

Limitless is a movie with Bradley Cooper as a smart, but unmotivated writer who runs into his ex-wife's brother-in-law (twice removed) and he gives him a black market pill that allows you to use your brain at %100 capacity. He becomes a genius and stock market wizard, gets in with the wrong people, gets a hair cut, becomes rich. It's a pretty decent movie that moves along at a pretty good clip. Cooper is really solid as a genius and is very entertaining. Robert De Niro has a really good role as the owner of a very large energy firm who becomes Cooper's de facto boss. I liked the film, but won't be watching it again.

Bottom line: 7.2 out of 10. Certainly worth watching, just don't pay any money for it.

Cap'N AMURICA

Chris Evans falls into the jackpot and gets cast as UBER-American Captain America. This tells the tale of how a "90 lb. asthmatic" can become a super-hero. It introduces the Red Skull, played very well by always creepy and evil Hugo Weaving. It really was what I expected. Heavy on story, plot, the beginning of Captain America, and overall flowery. There is of course some dark times and not fun stuff, but it's a kids movie at heart. I was a fan, just not a huge fan. It didn't really surpass expectations, but met them very easily. It was a little ridiculous as planned, but didn't get totally out of hand, so that was commendable. They had some fun with action scenes and CGI that looked alright. It was a little insane to have technology from WWII more advanced than the shit we play with today, but it is what it is. Evans was solid, though I agree with my buddy that they should have made his voice a little weaker when he was a scrawny 90 lb. bitch. Good cast, decent story, standard summer movie throwing up some big numbers per usual.

Bottom line: 7.7 out of 10. It is definitely worth seeing, just don't pay $10. Rent, or see at the cheap seats because you aren't missing anything earth-shattering. It lays the groundwork for another monster Marvel series. The Avengers is officially loaded up and the biggest movie I can think of right now. It's going to be HUGE with the amount of money and star power that it's throwing out.

Everything Must Go- Like Will Ferrell's Career

So this film is FAAAAAARRRR, from a comedy. Will Ferrell is a recovering/ battling with sobriety VP who has just gotten fired and is in the process of being divorced. his soon to be ex-wife has just left everything he owns on the lawn and changes the locks so he has NO access to their house. He proceeds to drink PBR, sit outside, sell a few things, befriend a neighborhood kid, and befriend his new neighbor. It's overall rather boring and really an older slice-of-life picture about growing older, but not better in any way. It was rather awkward, they throw in that Ferrell was sober for a year before his colossal fuck-up that ruined his career and marriage. SO, it's not very funny needless to say, unless you're a really, really sick fuck.

Bottom line: 6.3 out of 10. It's not awful by any means, but really hard to relate to in my case. Not funny, but rather serious and depressing.

Blade Runner (In my Pants)

Blade Runner is a sci-fi classic that really gets a lot of credit and is heralded as a great film. The cinematography is very impressive, but besides being very nice to look at, it's not too great in my opinion. It follows an interesting story of the future where "Replicants", or humanoids, are created to be exactly like humans, but with super strength and a four year life where they will die regardless. Harrison Ford's character Decker is a Blade Runner, a "policeman" like person who kills renegade replicants. There are six that escaped from another planet they were slaves on, killed 23 people and escaped to Earth. Their goal is to find out how to live longer than 4 years. They bring Decker in to kill them all and it's a race between the Replicants trying to find their maker to find a "cure" for their four year lives before Decker shoots them and ends their lives before it would happen "naturally". I'm going to watch it with commentary by Ridley Scott to try to get the whole perspective, but it's a pretty weak story. Ford, Darryl Hannah, Rutger Hauer, and Edward James Almos (Jaime Escalante- HOW DO I REACH THEEESS KEEEEEEDS?) round out a decent case, with some weaknesses in some of the bit roles.

Bottom Line: 7.7 out of 10. Solid film highlighted by the cinematography and sets, but lacking in substance beyond that.

Stone

Stone is a strange character study with Edward Norton, Milla Jovovich, and Robert De Niro getting put on display. Norton is a criminal facing 10-15 for arson on his grandparents house he burned after his cousin murdered them. De Niro is a prison psychologist who holds all the cards in getting Norton (Stone) out early. Jovovich is Norton's too hot wife who whores herself to De Niro (and others) to get Stone out early. It's weird and a bit of a stretch, but it's OK. They are all really good with the exception of Norton, because it really isn't possible to see him as an uneducated, white-trash thug in my eyes. Jovovich is really good as the seductress who spends her days being a pre-school teacher, though with her night time exploits I can't imagine her being very good at it.

Bottom Line: 6.7 out of 10. Worth a free viewing on a movie channel, but I wouldn't actively search it out. Decent twists to make it interesting, and I feel a strangely religious message at the end of it.

The American

The American has some action, sex, love, drama, cinematography, and heaps of Clooney. Clooney carries the drama-like movie through a few different stories swirling. He's building a gun for a female assassin, who is mysterious. He's starts nailing a prostitute, he eventually really likes her. There's some attempted murder and picnic lunches, but I think the heart of the story becomes Clooney's love story with the hooker. The film is overall pretty slow and has an artistic feel forced upon it. Never really had an identity, I'm thinking it was made solely because of Clooney's involvement.

Bottom Line: 6.3 out of 10. Worth watching for free, some good acting from Clooney and others, but really nothing spectacular on any level, except the hookers BOOBIES, those were fantastic.

Cyrus

This movie was totally misrepresented in the advertisements. This was hyped as a hilarious battle between John C. Reilly and Jonah Hill. What it in fact is would be an adult love story between Reilly and Marisa Tomei, who is still drop-dead gorgeous. It's really a story of two people who thought their romantic lives were over finding each other and love again. Hill really doesn't fuck with them ALL that much. There's a couple funny parts, but really not much. I really wasn't a huge fan and the fact I was expecting comedy probably hurt the movie for me. Pretty good acting, but I really struggled with the lack of war between Reilly and Hill. Too much bullshit, not enough comedy, or love story if they wanted to take it that way. Really never finds itself in my opinion.

Bottom Line: 5.8 out of 10. I really don't recommend watching it. It's not a comedy or a romantic comedy really. It defies description, but it's not really entertaining, or sustainably funny. See on Cinemax if you feel so inclined, just don't expect much.


SIDE NOTE: Very interesting show called Franchise: A season with the San Francisco Giants on Showtime. Beautiful moments where Jeremy Affeldt and Matt Cain come home to their families after an extended road trip set to "I'm Coming Home" acoustically done by I think Keri Hilson, but I'm not sure. Affeldt has an especially beautiful moment on the way in where his young son is on the phone and Affeldt says he's coming up the driveway, "open the garage door for me" and his genuine happiness seeing his kids is beautiful. Bruce Bochy seems like a manager his players would lay on a grenade for. He hangs out in his office and offers to crack a beer, or, after a win, a nice bottle of wine. He's super accessible and I think he'll have a job there for QUITE some time. I love these shows allowing us further access into the lives of athletes. I especially like to look at the veterans who may not be superstars, but have become so well adjusted and natural in their ways. They juggle the lifestyle of a pro athlete + a family life, it's just really fascinating.

Horrible Bosses

Premise is three friends hate their three bosses. Jason Sudekis loved his old boss, but now his coke-head, doucher son (GREAT job by Colin Farrell on this one) is now running the chemical company. Colin Farell just OWNS this role. He is completely fucking hilarious and is only limited by his lack of on-screen time. Bateman hates his boss played by Kevin Spacey, who does a very good job as well. Spacey is a heartless asshole, your standard Glengarry Glenross Alec Baldwin inspired boss. He refuses to promote Bateman and runs him into the ground. Charlie has Jennifer Anniston as a man-eater who wants him to plow her. Anniston does a pretty good job, she is still VERY GOOD looking, so that's nice. It's your typical dumb humor movie, which tends to bother me when Charlie is just WAAAAYYYY too stupid. I don't find it funny when it crosses the line into just ridiculous stupidity. Jamie Foxx is hilarious for the few minutes he's onscreen as their Hit man liaison Motherfucker Jones. Really good cast, pretty funny plot and story, not great writing, but decent.

Bottom Line: 7.4 out of 10. Great side characters help drag it along, worth seeing when it's out on video.

Transformers TRIFECTA

I saw the new Transformers movie like most idiots out there. Impressive CGI as always, I can only imagine how awesome the 3-D version probably is. Once again we're forced to try to care about Shia LaDOUCHE and NOT Megan Fox as I'll refer to her (FYI she's a shitty substitute). He's REALLY in love now with NOT Megan Fox and they're relationship is stressed because LaDouche can't find a job even though he thinks he's special or something. The Decepticons for years have been keeping the dark side of the moon a secret where an old Autobot ship crashed with a matrix and pillars capable of building an energy bridge to anywhere + sentinel Prime, the only bot capable of using it. It's a huge crazy plot that makes no sense when you think about it, so try not to, you'll run into that a lot. It's got a similar cast + John Malkovich (who needs to murder/fire his agent), Francess McDermott, Patrick Dempsey, and the dude who was Steve the Pirate in Dodgeball. There's some great action, it's just always bothered me that they force us to try to care about the humans when the movie should be about the BOTS. It's worth watching, I'm not sure about throwing $15 or whatever at the 3-D version though.

7.1 out of 10. It's enjoyable and action packed, just don't expect any Oscars to be doled out on this one.

Takers

Any film that throws together Chris Brown, Tip Harris (T.I.), Paul Walker, and Hayden Christensen has got to suck ass was my thought process. This film brought together a lot of up and comers and sort-of stars in a huge ensemble where you feel like you know everyone from other movies: Michael Ealy, Matt Dillon, Idris Elba, Jay Hernandez (Hostel dude), and underused and over-clothed Zoe Saldana round it out. Walker, Hayden, Chris Brown, Elba, and Ealy are a group of super thieves and best buddies. They are "takers" who live a sweet life of little responsibility and lots of disposable income. T.I. gets out of jail and ran with the crew in '04, but got caught and shot, so he's fresh out of prison and looking to re-join. He has a great heist of two cash trucks and "as much money as we can carry". They only get 5 days to plan and execute this great heist. Plot thickens as T.I. gets the plans from Russians he met in the joint and is going to give 1/2 million to after the heist. It's highly stylized, but very decent actually. I didn't expect much, but compare it to a poor, young man's HEAT. I'm not saying it's anywhere near equal, but it's a pretty cool heist movie, that moves along very well. There's some pretty cool twists and turns, and it puts some dicks in the dirt, which wins points in my eyes. It's pretty badass for a PG-13 film.

Bottom Line: 6.8 out of 10. Better than what I expected and certainly worth a watch while it's on Starz, or even a rental.

I Am Number Four

I went in with the lowest expectations, and in doing so was moderately pleased with I Am Number Four. Relatively unknown actors save for Timothy Olymphant do a pretty decent job, except the shit-garbage high school love story that is Twilight with Aliens instead of vampires. That is a HUGE waste of time, but the action is pretty decent and the story is acceptable enough for a teen action movie. Decent fighting, good special effects, acceptable acting, SUPER hot Teresa Palmer who I really just wanted to see more of, it was better than I expected. It had elements of kiddie bullshit, but it was OK for sure. Premise: A planet creates 9 children with powers to defend their people against Shark-like people who destroy planets (the usual). Nobody tells these kids about it, nobody teaches them how to use the powers, but they all have guardians who were "warriors" from their previous planet. It's fucking dumb they don't teach them about their powers, or tell them their heritages, etc, but it's not a smart movie. Sharks find earth and start getting to murdering children, which is surprisingly not PG-13 of them.

Bottom Line: 5.8 out of 10. Better than I thought, entertaining enough, too much kid-like bullshit replaces realism for my liking. Don't run out and see it, catch it on cable in a year on Spike or something.

Faster

In an attempt to see a crazy, mindless action movie I saw Faster on Sat. It was similar to what it promised having Dwayne Johnson fun and gun for awhile and attempted to build the plot during his massacre, one flashback at a time. Billy Bob Thornton is a heroin addicted cop who is attempting to solve the murders of the Rock. The movie gets right after it and doesn't waste time with character development, a real plot, special effects, it's kind of refreshing for the first 30 minutes before they try to make up for lost time. The Rock's brother was murdered after a big bank robbery and the whole crew gets murdered except for the Rock, who was only shot in the base of the spine in the back of his head, so he was just fine of course. He gets out of prison and gets to killing the people responsible. He is a machine, it's pretty cool for the most part. They introduce this "Super Assassin" who is getting paid to stop him, but the guy is a total pussy and just pissed me off the whole time. His love interest is Maggie Grace, the girl from taken, but in here she's a blond DIMEPIECE, that and his cars are the only thing not fucking awful about him. The story takes some twists and turns that are pretty easy to predict, but it's still entertaining.

Bottom Line: 6.2 out of 10. It is what it wanted to be, an action movie. If you are in the mood for some mindless violence, this works.

Lincoln Lawyer

I was pretty impressed with this film on a few levels. The soundtrack of awesome Soul is the first thing that you get impressed with. It starts out with photo-esque shots of McConaghy's old-school Lincoln set to Bobby "Blue" Bland - Ain't No Love in the Heart of the City and it is magnificent. Great soundtrack, good casting with one enormous exception centered in a major role: Ryan Phillipe. He can't act for shit. I really like the Way of the Gun, but he fucking sucks in everything I see him in, this includes the funny, but frankly idiotic film, MacGruber. That should require zero talent, but he sucks totally in that film. He can't display emotion and I can't believe a single thing he tries to portray. You'd think "Maybe he can play an untalented, spoiled, rich kid", but he clear can't. The film is centered around hot shot defense lawyer Matt McConaghy. He defends anyone with enough money, but has his own moral code and really tries to be an alright human being through it all. His father was once a famous lawyer and his wisdom about needing to get an innocent man a not guilty plea drives him every day. Excellent side characters of William H. Macy as his favorite investigator and Marisa Tomei as his former girlfriend and mother of his child. Phillipe is a rich kid who gets accused of assault with a deadly weapon and attempted rape while he dismisses the whole thing as a prostitute trying to get some money from a rich "trick". He requests McCounaghey as his lawyer despite his family having a powerful firm on retainer. The plot twists and turns and adds depth the entire time. Very good story, McConaughey does a great job and carriers the film.

Bottom Line: 8.2 out of 10. See this when you get a chance either on discount, or from RedBox. It just blends together so well with the music giving it extra feel. Bigger fan than I thought I was going to be.

The Big Red One

A war classic I just purchased re-mastered and was very impressed with. I would find it hard to believe that all of the war movies that we've enjoyed have not been heavily influenced by The Big Red One. Headlined by the nails-tough Lee Marvin and Mark Hamill, it's a simply very well done film. Excellent acting, a great storyline that follows the first infantry unit (The Big Red One) from North Africa to Berlin. I was a big fan and I feel like it showed war in a simple, here is what it is way that I really appreciate. It's simplistic and honest in its approach to how war is crazy and simple all at the same time. Lee Marvin is awesome, almost all the characters are. It's really a must see film for fans of war films.


Bottom Line: 8.8 out of 10. Only downfall is the limited budget showing at times and it's a little slow. A great, beautiful film.

Father's Day SHOUT OUT

I am one of the people growing up in this world who has a great dad. I'm just going to throw out all the things that I am very proud and in awe of my dad for, don't read this, it's going to be heart-felt and boring for the most part. This is done for me selfishly, so don't worry about it, I'll be back soon with more vulgar drivel my friends.

- Playing catch with me after a 10 hour day and driving home from La Crosse.

Not taking a job in La Crosse and up-rooting my family when I was 7, this later forced him out of office because 2 out of 5 days wasn't good enough, but I know none of us would have changed anything about it.

Coaching random sports throughout my childhood: Soccer, football, baseball & basketball, despite never playing any organized sports besides fast-pitch.

Teaching me the value of family, God, and friends. You get credit, Mom gets credit as well, no way I can leave her out of that one.

Being the rock our family has grown from since day one.

Letting us be carried again, once more, after the death of your wife and my mother. I've never seen a man stand taller in my years on earth. Your speech at her funeral was something that no movie can capture. It was the probably the most beautiful and powerful thing I have ever seen. I don't think there was a dry eye in the room. I don't know if a better memorial for Mom could have happened, I wish we had a video, or at very least a transcript.

Putting family ahead of anything you had going on in your life. Speeding home from La Crosse for a youth soccer game that I wasn't going to be very good in, or refusing to miss a football game even though I rarely played my junior year.

Honesty, in all things. You would be honest about things there should have been obvious, but in an amazingly gentle and easy way.

Utilizing psychology instead of your hand or belt for teaching me that being a complete asshole, at any age, was unacceptable.

Patience, never forcing us kids in, or out of sports because it wasn't convenient, or even if it WAS a pain in the ass.

Comedy- Your sense of humor has been a part of life I have taken with me and championed my entire life.

Business- I constantly wish to draw from your well of knowledge in negotiation and selling. Now, I just beg for a few key contacts I can talk to, knowing that in dealing with you, they know the type of person that I learned from and trust is built immediately, before I say a word.

Really, there are very few things in my life I can't attribute to you. Jason once wrote a caption on a poster that hangs in your office simply stating: To the Greatest Man I know" This is a fact. It was a simple, beautiful reaffirmation of our thoughts about you. Our albeit brief, almost forced Father's Day call wasn't what you deserved, similar to the book I got you as a gift. I've felt loved from the first day I've been on this earth, I can attribute that, in part, to you.

I love you, for all the things listed and a great many more. I wish you a happy Father's Day, and only wish for many more to spend with you.

Your son,

Jeffrey KENNETH Boll

Bridesmaid: Don't Watch if you have testicles

Bridesmaid, highly recommended by WAYYYY too many people, was an almost total disappointment. I thought, after hearing a lot of good things, I think Kristen Wiig is pretty funny, and the other women must be hilarious as well, I mean, bachelorette parties can be hilarious too, right? If you have something besides a vertical slit between your legs the answer is 100% false. It was written by women for women and my balls got in the way the entire movie. Things could have been funny, and there were a couple of funny parts where I laughed, but that does not make a movie. Wiig really isn't that good or funny. Maya Rudolph, who I thought was hot on SNL, is a shadow of her former self, sorry about that one. The funniest character is the very vulgar sister of the groom-to-be. The groom is rarely seen. The bachlorette party never happens. It's a power struggle between Wiig and her best friend (the brides) Boss' wife, who I'm not going to look up because I don't give a fuck. I couldn't relate to half of the shit that was in it. If you're a dude, don't see this movie. If you are a woman, don't pay money for this piece of shit. It is the farthest thing from the Hangover imaginable, don't buy into the fucking hype, you will hate yourself. I'd have had more fun punching $9.50 worth of pennies into my own face.

Bottom Line: 3.2 out of 10. Wiig is not a bankable star or writer. Maybe she can apprentice for Tina Fey for awhile longer.

Why Andre Agassi is Amazing

Andre Agassi had an incredible tennis career, one of the best in history. He remains the only man to win all 4 Majors and a gold medal. More importantly he has done more off the court than any athlete of our generation.

It seems amazing the arrogant, flashy kid from Vegas has more substance to him than any other athlete I can think of. His personal mission to establish a school in Vegas for underprivileged youth and to overall improve the lives of children in Las Vegas is remarkable. It's a shame he's removed from the spotlight, because he openly talked about his school and was a true ambassador to the game, himself, America, and everything he cared about. He was on his own at 13, and so much older than his years as he was on tour. People that got to know him, loved him. People that viewed from a distance saw only flash, flair, and failure, but the more he stuck around and grew as a person and player, the more everyone came to love him. Nobody would have thought he would outlive Sampras on the court, but he so clearly did that. His magical run in the 2005 US Open showed a whole new generation who Andre Agassi was, while he was 35.

He truly shows that someone who believes in themselves, hard work, and without fear of failure is capable of almost anything they can dream of. He underwent incredible personal change to become the man he is today. I dare say there are very few people I'd rather spend some time with than Andre Agassi. It always bothered me the excerpts of his book were all about the two times he used meth and his hair weaves instead of the personal growth and greatness achieved by a man who had so little guidance on how to be a person. He refuses to sit on his laurels and drift away. He is out of the public eye, but moving constantly behind the scenes, I imagine just the way he wants it. Gary Smith, Sports Illustrator writer and author extraordinaire said in Agassi's tennis profile, he doubts another athlete has done so much off the court, and I completely agree.

Driving the Fire Spolestra Bandwagon

Eric Spolestra (still not sure if I'm spelling it right) needs to leave, or just get canned. Either nobody respects him enough to do anything he says, or he is completely fucking useless. I've seen two separate timeouts where he's just made stupid statements that anyone watching the game could have made 1.) they're double teaming LeBron, and a separate time-out 2.) We need to play better defense. Any wonder why the Heat look lost and worthless on offense in the 4th quarter? They clearly have no direction, or if he's trying to give direction, not a single player gives a fuck about what he has to say. This is the same guy who started Zyundras Ilgauskas at center all season, only to deactivate him during the playoffs? Now he's reactivated and given minutes to Juwan Howard instead? Eric Dampier also is deactivated while Jamal Magloire was playing against the Bulls. What the fuck is he doing? Can Pat Riley just fire him during a game and take over to end this shit? There is simply no way with all that talent you can't close this shit out, it's embarrassing. Unless he's doing this for free, he's getting paid way too much for his failure as well.

Bill Schroeder made an even bigger fuck of himself than usual tonight where he explained the pitcher/catcher combo is referred to as a "battery" because they "were like a car battery where nothing can start without them." He said this knowing he was completely fucking wrong and acted like he was right. THEN he brought up Chris Capuano, who was watching the game in the opposing dugout, texted him saying it was after an artillery battery, not a car battery. FUCK BILL SCHROEDER. What a fucking idiot. I think Brian Anderson deserves a humanitarian award for resisting the urge to murder him.

Live Game Blog- Game 2

Ambitious, and I'm starting late, but this will keep me involved, and hopefully keep you entertained.

6:51- 1st quarter: Amazing ball movement from the Mavs a few possessions ago, Stevenson got his ankles broke by Wade and Mark Jackson praised his great defense for the 10 minutes per game he plays. Dirk's finger looks OK, both teams are hitting open three's, which is great. Also, what's up with praising Bibby for hitting "a ton" of clutch shots while with the Kings? Way out of line on that one, but he is shooting 25%, which is super clutch... I like Wade's more active role in the offense right now and the difference will come when the subs come in during the 2nd quarter, that will be big in this game. Dirk's sitting down, very interesting this early

5:42- Jason Kidd made his first turnover of the playoffs just now
Random thought- You think they miss Josh Howard and his awesome weed?

5:03- Stevenson airballs a bad 3 over Wade, LeBron gets called for a travel, I'm confused on how that can happen, Bosh gets an easy dunk over Peja and somehow Mark Jackson doesn't talk about his great defense, or all the clutch shots he hit for the Kings.

3:10- Spoelestra calls a timeout so he can draw smiley faces on a white board since nothing he says matters. I saw a timeout where he said "we need to play Heat basketball" and some other stupid pep talk bullshit that involved no real coaching because he has one of the most talented teams I can remember, if not the most talented team.

2:43- Chandler stopped a nice alley-oop with an athletic play, then put home a tough hoop. I have to think he's the reason for the Mavs defensive effort, he plays HARD on the defensive end.

2:00- Lebron throws in a monster put-back dunk that was just amazingly athletic.

Mike Miller wears enough random padding to survive a 28 story fall.

14.9= LeBron steps hits a 28 footer over Marion with time running down, WITNESS

Barea had a nice layup, he amazes me. Not so much how he's so short and playing well in the NBA, but the dude is dating Miss Universe. I wonder if Kidd has ever smacked her?

LeBron to open the 2nd fades away with over Marion while, once again the shot clock hits zero. He's astounding to watch. Barea gets another gimmee lay-up, which amazes me.

Mavs quietly have great offensive sets and quietly take a six point lead that you'd never notice if they didn't post the score constantly.

8:56- Wade puts on a disgusting move through 3 guys and finishes on the left side of the rim with his right hand quasi-reverse style to avoid Haywood. Simple brilliance.

7:22- Miller hits the deck, start crying when Barea climbs on him. Sad

6:49- Wade throws in a put-back well over the rim that was probably goaltending, but was awesome. He then throws down a transition dunk where Barea gave him the Dorn O'LE bullshit he should be ashamed of.

Wade is taking over this game and I'm enjoying it. Heat down 2

Stevenson hits a three, the world stops rotating on its axis.

Dallas is up 7, LeBron hits a shot through Dirk running away from the hoop and hits a freakish and 1. Bricks the free throw, him and Wade have missed the last 3.

Kidd lays a great assist to Chandler while sealing Miller and knocking over Haslem, great veteran play.

LeBron picks up #3 going over the back of Chandler for a lay-up, bad choice.
Miller gets a steal and throws an amazing, yet ill-advised pass to Wade that he can't possibly finish, then Wade flips shit over it because Chandler must have breathed on him too hard or something. Unprofessional.

Marion quietly has ten points and is playing a great game besides having James hit unstoppable shots over him.

Chandler picks up a garbage touch foul. He gets called for the weakest bullshit I've ever seen. I was furious last series when Westbrook and Durant would run into him and he'd get called for fouls.

Mavs pick-up a 24 second violation on some great defense. The free throw woes continue as Chalmers misses two. Poor.

Barea jacks up an ill-advised jumper early in the shot-clock for no reason.

Haslem forces Dirk to knock the ball out of bounds, fresh 24 and another solid, hustle play from Haslem that won't be on the stat sheet. I mentioned his resurgence will give them another really good defender on Dirk, similar to when he basically shut him down six years ago.

Wade hits a big triple to tie the game. Dirk continues to miss everything, keeping the game close.
down with
I stopped doing this, it seemed stupid, but WHAT A GAME. Mavs come back from 17 down with 6 minutes left to win game 2 in Miami? The Heat take 3 VERY questionable 3's to close out their offensive sets with under 2 minutes left? Spolestra, or however it's spelled needs to get his ass fired. RUN A FUCKING PLAY, DO SOMETHING. It was just fucking terrible.
Props to the Mavericks for once again making the impossible look easy, but it's not excusable to not have plays set to get to the hoop when you have LeBron James and Dwayne Wade on your team. It's just fucking embarrassing. I'm pumped though, now we're in for a real series hopefully and not worrying about a Heat sweep.

Brewer Boner

We can celebrate the Brewers paying up to our expectations. A young team, kicking ass, that is still not FULLY healthy. It's hard to not be looking toward the future with great excitement. The bullpen is not entirely healthy, but they are putting Saito on the 60-day DL, which isn't a good thing, but they are getting there. Morgan will be an upgrade over Gomez at the plate when he comes back on Friday. Hart is finally healthy and putting on a show. I think Kotsay may start playing some 3rd and first instead of the outfield to occasionally spell Prince and McGahee. The pitching staff is really flourishing and if someone goes down, Estrada has proven he's rock solid in spot starting detail. The only shadow lingering over the entire thing is will this be the last time Prince Fielder will be in a Brewer jersey? Everyone else around him is signing extensions, ready to build something great together. Does that mean anything to Prince? How close can the Brewers come to free-agent money and will it be good enough? Will another playoff appearance this season, or perhaps a playoff run, be enough to make Prince want to stay in Milwaukee? It's only going to get worse as the season progresses.

Tyson Chandler constantly gets horse-fucked on fouls called against him.

I brought up a statement on facebook, Jason Kidd: Greatest point guard ever.
As expertly pointed out by Stutz, Magic Johnson would have to be considered the best point guard ever. I struggle because Magic missed a decent amount of time with HIV related problems and really didn't age that well. Stockton is a great choice, but I feel that much of his career is defined by Malone and without him his career would not have the same quality and I think that is undeniable. Isiah Thomas is another great choice, pointed out by Ginger, but I have to mention the same thing I did with Magic, his career went violently downward and he was never heard from again after 1992. Kidd meanwhile has always been a winner on various teams. He is currently 9th in all-time made 3's, despite that being a weakness for most of his career. He carried a bad Nets team to the Finals by himself. Kidd is 3rd in all-time assists, soon to be 2nd as he's only 124 behind Mark Jackson. Magic is 4th in 2 less season averaging the mind-blowing 11.2 APG, but with the showtime Lakers that Kidd would have certainly put up gaudy numbers with himself. Stockton is the overwhelming #1 in assists, but shockingly has a dominant grasp on steals as well with over 700 separating Michael Jordan at #2 from himself. Kidd is number 7, but will be #4 next year with only 112 steals separating him from Mo Cheeks at #4. Here's where Kidd ascends though, he's #67 in career rebounding. Isiah and Magic get props for the rings, but I struggle to think of a year Kidd had an equivalent supporting cast as most of his career was spent making scrubs way more money than they should have in their NBA careers. I just thought about adding Oscar Robertson to the mix, but fuck that, this is already too long.

Bottom Line: I'd have to take Magic as best PG ever, best PG career might be up in the air if the Mavs steal a title or two while Kidd and Dirk both have pulses still, but maybe that's just blinded by my hatred for Stockton.

Faith in Basketball Renewed

While the NFL is content to shoot itself in the face this year, basketball has enjoyed a boom. Anyone who has ever argued about the quality of college basketball being better than the NBA needs to watch one game of the playoffs, especially the Heat vs. the Bulls. Those teams would beat any college team EVER by 30 points. The quality is obscene. It is a battle for points every night. The NBA is experiencing a boom in quality of stars. The talent has been deluded from there being too many teams for the amount of talent, but the field has leveled. We've watched an 8 seed beat up the 1 seed, then push the 4 seed to the limit. You see "selfish" superstars playing defense like their families lives depend on it. If you are not watching the NBA playoffs on a nightly basis, check yourself.

15 years of failure

Why can't the WNBA stop hemorrhaging money? Why can't we, as a society, pull the plug on the WNBA? I'm totally fine with professional women's basketball, but give up televising it, marketing it, and playing it in huge venues. You would have to pay me to go to a WNBA game, the amount would probably be around $100. If the NBA didn't have the NBA's financial support, this whole charade would be over. It's the equivalent of digging a hole, throwing money (millions of dollars) into it, then lighting it on fire every year for 15 years. It's a monumental failure. It's the same reason that college athletes can't get paid, because most college sports puke money out while men's college basketball and football bring home cash from huge TV contracts. You can't pay JUST men's basketball and football players money, so nobody gets anything and Title IX destroys any chance at true parity by forcing women's sports to get equal everything as men's sports, but minor detail, there is NO women's sport on the planet that is equal to football in cost, participation, or revenue. This forces men's wrestling, swimming, tennis, baseball, and track & field to get cut to lower men's participation so numbers look equal and therefore, Title IX compliant.

I'm just preaching now, but it's ridiculous to make men's and women's sports "equal". I am 100% behind women's sports, they just aren't on par with men's sports. Why would it be unfair for them to receive less money and funding since they lose a lot more money than their male counterparts?

Black Swan

I finally got to see Black Swan, which I really wanted to see due to the enormous Oscar hype. Natalie Portman deserves props for doing a great job of embodying a perfection-crazed (though I imagine most are) ballerina. Vulnerable, delusional, way too thin for my taste, and obsessed. She lives with her super creepy and insanely over-protective mom played very well by Barbara Hershey. The supporting cast is very strong with Vincent Cassel, the French dude from Oceans Twelve, Mila Kunis, and Winona Ryder, who does well as an aging dancer who is being shown the door in a rather unceremonious and unwanted fashion. Portman gets the lead in the Black Swan despite Cassel's characters insistence that he worries that she can't play the Black Swan because she can't let herself go and be vulnerable, seductive, and imperfect. Portman is driven to insanity trying to force herself into the Black Swan role and push herself out of her comfort zone. Portman, despite the recent controversies about her not dancing that much, really does a very good job, though I am a layman, of dancing. Impressive acting highlights the, as my buddy Nate noted, "Lifetime movie on steroids" that Black Swan is. As a man I merely thought, that bitch is crazy, and that was it. I didn't really get in depth with it. I thought it was good, but after the Oscar fuss I thought I'd get more. It's worth a watch, but don't expect a life-altering movie of immense emotional power.

Bottom Line: 7.8 out 10. Great acting, good story, I'm a dude so I wasn't THAT impressed.

I got to see Arrested Development for the first time and noticed how much I was missing. A supreme cast of individual talent thrown together and written for superbly. I am thinking the next time I see the whole season for 20 bucks I'm scooping it up. The show really propelled Michael Cera as the super awkward, nerdy kid. Jason Bateman as the sensitive, but sarcastically funny guy. David Cross is hilarious, he would be in anything, but his weird Doctor/hippy character is perfect. Will Arnett is awesome as a failed magician and weird dude. Jessica Walters, the voice of Mother in Archer, is awesome as the angry and uncaring mother to a dysfunctional family of idiots whose failure is accelerated greatly by their father, Jeffrey Tambor, being thrown in prison. Bateman tries to hold the idiotic family together to hilarious results.

The Brewers are all over the board as always and can never fire on more than 2 cylinders. Very happy with LuCroix, Weeks, Braun, Marcum, recently Axford, Fielder, and that sums it up. Not a lot of consistency anywhere, but McGahee and Gomez simply need to hit the ball better. Gomez is completely fucking lost at the plate. He probably should be bunting every other at bat. He flails at pitches that are low and away ALL THE TIME. He swings entirely too freely for someone with that much speed and he walks as much as Christopher Reeves from 2004-2008. Mcgahee needs to figure something out because it's not working. I'd REALLY like him to pull the ball sometimes because he pushes everything and that can't be good. Hart needs to get into mid-season form nowish because runs need to be scored. I feel Betancourt's defense was better than advertised and his bat was what realistically should have been expected, hopefully 20 homers, 70 RBI's and a .250 average. If Hart and Mcgahee return to last years form, this is definitely a playoff team in a pretty weak, all of the sudden, NL Central.

The NBA has two great series to look forward to. The Thunder are no longer the up and comers, but the here and nows. The Mavericks come off a huge emotional high sweeping the defending champion Lakers. The Mavs are by far the oldest team around and their lack of athleticism is going to get VERY interesting from here on out. The Heat-Bulls series should be a war after the Heat took the first game right on the chin. I refuse to believe Spolestra (too lazy to see how to spell his name)is a real coach. Thibodeaux will certainly coach circles around him, but I also refuse to believe the Bulls will get that kind of effort out of everyone again. I'm going Heat vs. Mavs in the finals, Heat in 6. I think it's a terrible prediction, but I'm going to assume Wade and James are made of more than what they showed in Game 1 and I firmly believe that kind of star power can't be denied.

NHL I need to try to pay more attention to, but it just loses out to basketball on a nightly basis. This article was written in descending order of sports importance. I watch Brewers, NBA, then NHL, so it leaves very little room for NHL viewing.

Deadliest Catch

Big fan of Deadliest Catch. It's crazy to think about what those guys go through to bring home crab. I have no idea if I know somebody who could hack it out there for an entire season. I can't fathom how shitty it is to be out there for days at a time. I love the competition between captains and deckhands that keep things volatile and on edge. The captains are almost all grizzled guys who have been out there since they were teenagers hacking out a living. It forged the way for new reality TV shows like Ax Men, Swamp People, and Sons of Guns. Slice of life shows that showcase unique people and talents of hard workers. There are more pioneers besides Deadliest Catch, but that is a ratings MONSTER. It knocked over the NBA Playoffs and everything else for Tuesday night supremacy. It also showcases cable televisions growing popularity. Network TV has very few staples to rely on anymore. The NBA and NHL Playoffs are not on regular networks. When NCIS and the Law & Orders fall off I would be REALLY worried if I were network execs. Modern Family is the only non-cable show I remember in recent memory that I've thought is good, or have been compelled to watch regularly. I don't understand how something with so many more resources can fail with such regularity. It has become clear it really isn't about having a "star", but a rock-solid cast. The few shows I watch: Sons of Anarchy, Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother, The Office, The Community, they all gain strength in numbers and excellent characters. It isn't Jerry Seinfeld and friends as much as a collective group of fairly equal characters. You will have more important characters, but everyone holds their own. It's the only way to be, I'd like to think we've gotten smarter, but I doubt that's it since Swamp People and Ax Men do OK and those guys can't possible read at higher than a 3rd grade level. I really don't know the reason, I guess rock solid casts aren't a secret since other sitcoms have used it for years like Cheers and M*A*S*H, but I really feel the lack of a central character has become much more vital to a shows success. I'm probably talking completely out of my ass.

Side note: The West really seems to have 4 teams competing for the championship while the East has the Heat playing above everyone else CLEARLY. They are a complete match-up nightmare and with LeBron and Wade both motivated as can be, except LeBron's defense is still fucking garbage for the most part, they are SOOO tough. Bosh is still an afterthought, but one who was a 20-10 guy for the last 4 years.

I have failed to get into the NHL playoffs, which I am disappointed about. I really can't justify watching hockey over the Brewers and the NBA, so I merely hop in at a few select times in between games and I have not been into it at all. I am almost certainly missing out, but I contend I will still watch the Stanley Cup when Mike "Doc" Emrick lends his golden voice to make hockey exciting.

The Kids are Alright (At acting)

So I watched the Kids are Alright with some great acting. Annette Benning did a great job as the masculine, bread-winning lesbian, which was a HUGE departure from what I recognize her as. Julienne Moore was same as usual, solid and pasty white. The kids do a decent job to bring it along and show emotion. I am a huge Mark Ruffalo fan, probably because he's from Kenosha and AWESOME, but he's amazing in the film as a sperm donor who has two children with the lesbian couple of Moore and Benning. They reach out to him and he accepts and genuinely strives to be part of their lives. He gains immediate acceptance from Moore, Benning is slower to jump on the bandwagon. He does eventually win everyone over, especially Moore, who he start banging while she works to landscape the backyard of his restaurant. I ended up feeling pretty bad for Ruffalo's character who realizes how much he yearns for a family, but has never put in the effort, but DID like having two pretty cool teenage kids hang out with him and look up to him. He "falls" for Moore, who really was just looking for someone to fuck and not a real relationship, which was exactly who Ruffalo was looking for. Ruffalo is displayed as the villain and gets shut-out, which is unfair. Good acting, fairly regular and unspectacular slice of life film.

Bottom Line: 7.2 out of 10. Good for when you're sitting around doing nothing on a Sat. morning, but I wouldn't actively search it out.

Salt of the earth and some random thoughts

Salt was a movie where Angelina Jolie is a CIA spy who may or may not be a Soviet double agent. The movie moves quickly along through more and more insane stunts and bullshit until you arrive at the sort-of end. They clearly wanted this to be like a Bourne movie, but you just don't really give a damn throughout. Liev Schreiber is in it as well and does a solid job as always. I just don't buy a lot of the insane stunts and bullshit Jolie pulls off with ease. Why we love the Bourne movies is that they don't get Commando out of control with insanity. He does really cool shit, but you buy into the fact that it is possible. Jolie rolls through and kills 12 Russian super-agents herself. She's a woman, so fist-fights with men aren't going to go in her favor in real life, since any dude would just throw her into a wall until she stopped moving, she seriously weights like 130 pounds. It has entertaining parts, and actually the plot holds together pretty well, I just didn't buy into it.

Bottom line: 6.2 out of 10. If you want to see an action movie with a decent plot, give it a shot.

NBA playoffs- It is an absolute privilege to watch Chris Paul play right now. He is playing at a different level than everyone else on the court, including Kobe Bryant. He's simply unstoppable. The Lakers throw different looks at him, or double him, and he always finds the open man, or simply makes them pay for leaving him defended by a mere mortal man like Kobe Bryant. CP3 is shooting 57% and put up an insane triple-double of 35, 15 assists, 12 boards (I think, too lazy to fact-check). The Hornets don't have David West, that would be the dude who scores most of their points, but they are right with the Lakers. The Grizzlies are looking like beasts against the Spurs. I'm taking the Heat over the Celtics, and whoever wins that series will take it to the Bulls in the Eastern conference final. I would like to think whoever comes out of the Magic/Hawks series can beat the Bulls, but neither team is putting it together enough to beat the Bulls, and nobody on either team can guard Rose. The West is a lot more interesting anyway with upsets and close games everywhere. They are looking at war in every series out West. I'm really starting to think Nene would be a great pick-up for a real contender next year with another decent big man. He defends 4's and 5's, shoots 62%, can pass well, and hustles hard. He really needs a change of venue where he could be the #2 big man and a guaranteed mismatch every night (Get him Bucks, get him).

The Brewers pissed away a possible sweep of the Astros in fantastic fashion on Saturday with a complete lack of judgment by all baserunners in the 8th inning where they had 0 outs and men on 2nd and 3rd, but managed to shit the bed into a near triple-play. They pitch Kintzler entirely too much for such a young kid. It'll be nice to get Saito back, but they need to throw Mitre more in the short-term. Maybe Hawkins is still serviceable as well when he returns, but I think they can make a run at it even if he isn't. I keep holding out for a healthy Greinke, Hart, and Morgan to alleviate all our ills, but we will still have an enormous hole at shortstop and wherever Bettancourt hits. He has not impressed me at all and calling him a power-hitting shortstop is like calling Kyle Fransworth a finesse pitcher. At least he normally makes contact with the ball and puts it in play, but besides that I can't say many nice things about him. The real question will be how the Fielder situation heats up, because even if they are playing well the questions will only intensify as the season progresses. Re-signing Braun will go a long way in pushing Fielder to ink a deal, but with Boras as an agent, he's looking to cake up, not play for a small market team.

Side note: Angelina Jolie could never hide in disguise. She has WAYYYY too distinctive features for that bullshit. They dress her as a dude and it is utterly ridiculous.

Random Thoughts

The Brewers/Cubs "rivalry" is out of hand. Proximity makes it certain that there will always be enough fans of both teams at either game to create problems. The hatred makes no sense. We don't knock each other out of the playoffs year after year, or really have anything to be proud of in the last 1/4 century that we should feel special about. Instead of watching in peace, alcohol fueled stupidity wins out. One fan from a team will say something, then the response from the slighted teams fan, wash, rinse repeat. I fell into this after seeing a facebook post talking about how the Brewers, 155 games out from a meaningful game, had to be feeling the pressure of a slow start, and it would CERTAINLY effect their play. I responded immediately with a simple, concise, "Fuck you". Stupidity kept after it as there were posts back and forth which I reminded said individual that the Brewers have some serious injuries, but more importantly THERE ARE 155 MORE GAMES IN THE BASEBALL SEASON. I just don't get where this hatred comes from, we should hate the Cardinals more since they walk away with the NL Central instead of our respective teams.

The Masters coverage is doing a great job of having different experts chime in, and great coverage of ALL the players within a few strokes, but commercials this close to the end is simply unacceptable. I hate the fact that Tiger Woods was in contention. That man is a fucking piece of shit. We can say classier words, but anybody who is out banging whores and prostitutes at EVERY turn while his gorgeous wife raises children is a fucking piece of shit. I don't care what profession you are in, if you live your life like this I hope you get gang raped by a roaming pack of gorillas, or wildebeests, or anything capable of delivering a savage raping.

The NBA and NHL playoffs are soon to be underway, marking a great period in time for sports. Baseball is fresh and relevant, NHL suddenly becomes relevant and the quality of play increases, same goes the the pumpkin-pushers of the NBA. There will be great nights of TV, and the DVR will be expected to work OT to keep me happy. I will be flipping channels like a madman in between pitches, faceoffs, and free throws to keep updated on live action as much as possible. I am pretty excited to get into hockey and basketball for the first time this year. I find out things that real fans have known the whole year, like Derrick Rose is unstoppable. I love to see the teams that coast through the regular season and NOW start playing team defense and offense. This is basketball at the highest possible level.

Brewers?

I was incredibly frustrated to see the Brewers get swept by the Reds, especially because two of the games were winnable. Watching Will Nieves fail twice to hit important sac flies cost the Brewers the home opener. Failures to manufacture runs and hit situationally is a plague on the Brewers. Hope has flashed the last couple of games, and the returns of Greinke, Lucroix, and Hart all will be BIG upgrades to those positions. It's easy to be down-trodden seeing Neives fail so brutally, it made me realize it's a different manager inheriting the same players who can't drive in a run when it absolutely HAS to happen. Axford seems to have it figured out, meaning leaving 93MPH fastballs belt high is UNACCEPTABLE. I'm liking this team, even the late additions of Mitre and Morgan seem to be likely to pay dividends. Another glaring weakness is the inability to work a count and take pitches and walks. That will need to change to reach the playoffs I feel. It's a hell of a ride, and there's plenty of time to flip-flop. I'm just happy I'm excited to watch games again. I got to heckle Linebrink, Heyward, and the Braves bullpen last night as I was the first row in the bleachers above the bullpen in right field. WHAT A GREAT TIME, though they frown on heckling WAYYYY too much. I also have tickets on Friday, meaning I have to wash the lucky Turnbow shirt and warm-up the vocal cords, and possibly the fists for the Cubs.

Brewers SOUL CRUSH

Great opening day for 8 innings. Brewers looked as good as advertised, but the weaknesses that everyone was talking about reared their HIDEOUS head. Suspect defense, an unproven bullpen, a serious lack of depth. The golden child of last years disappointing season John "Stash" Axford shit the bed hanging a 93MPH fastball waist high in the 9th inning with two on. Shit decision by Lucroix, unless Axford just missed the pitch that badly. It sucked to watch a possible HUGE win to start the year get destroyed by one awful moment. Why couldn't the ball drift foul? Why couldn't the 3rd base ump give McGahee the tag-out call? It's little things that lose one game, but possibly, if it continues, ruin a very good, young team with little depth. You just have to hope Marcum and Greinke come back healthy and better than ever, but the bullpen absolutely HAS to improve. Who is going to come in and be untouchable for one inning a game? It seems like a painful season may be upon us, but maybe, just maybe they can hit their way through some rough patches and the group of starters can hide the bullpens inadequacies for awhile longer. Axford can't hang 93mph shit gut-high anymore, that I know is a fact.

Joe Louis, I had no idea

Two posts in one day, I clearly have very little going on today.

Joe Louis was a HUGE star, probably the first African-American celebrity, check that, probably second behind Jesse Owens. He knocked out Max Scherzer, probably got the name wrong, but he was the glowing vision of Hitler's Aryan race, Louis floored him in the first round and became an overnight sensation. He had 25 heavyweight title defenses, a feat that probably won't be equaled since now there's MAYBE 2 defenses in a year. The part that's awful: He signed up for the military, donated two $100,000 purses to the war effort, spent four years visiting troops while being enlisted, and through that time the IRS got after him for $500,000 in back taxes that they never forgave and forced him to pay until the day he died in 1981. He fought for WAY too long, had to do embarrassing public displays with his name, like a stint in pro wrestling and pimping ALL kinds of products, that really ruined his life. It was a SUPER sad story of how someone who would be a multi-millionaire today and widely praised by pretty much everyone was allowed to suffer for so many years. The IRS took away his kids' trust fund he set-up, would take entire purses from events he would do without telling him, they'd just show up and take the money. It was a brutal story of someone who was almost universally loved, but his personal sacrifices for the country he loved cost him greatly personally and financially.

The Brown Bomber, I'm glad to have learned more about you.

NCAA heartbreak

I'm watching the Kansas game absolutely beside myself with confusion on how Kansas can play so badly against an inferior team. 2/18 for 3's? What the fuck is going on here? FT's were just an abomination as well. The Morris brother's played as bad as possible. The only reason I care is I just noticed in at least one of my brackets I'd win big money with KU winning the national title. I had UCONN, Kansas, UNC, and Pitt, with UNC vs. Kansas, painfully Kansas beating the Tar Heels because I try my best to not let emotions get in the way of picking. I thought I was on the road to cash money, but now I noticed I'm dicked because Kansas can't do SHIT. If anyone gets a perfect bracket this year, it's from smoking meth for several hours before filling out a bracket. You may remember VCU from the play-in game, normally an afterthought after that team gets the shit kicked out of them in the first round game. You may remember Butler as the team that UW-Milwaukee beat twice this year. What in the fuck is going on?

Side note: If they use the Jennifer Hudson "One Shining Moment" instead of Luther Vandross, I will break something, I have yet to determine what, but remote control, or PS3 controller are currently the front-runners.

To answer a question, I can praise the Fab Five while being disappointed with the Heat because college kids playing with their friends at a school is a little different than getting paid millions to do it. Kid playing together on a college team they all grew up idolizing is different than crushing your entire home state. It's a totally different situation, under totally different circumstances.