Friday, July 31, 2009

Ode to Brett Favre

I've actually started to be bothered by all the Brett Favre hatred being spewed lately. He could've committed murder in WI for the last 15 years and nobody would've batted an eyelash. DO NOT FORGET we told him he was unwanted. Granted he "retired", but did come back to play and we told him to go pound sand. Brett's record the last 2 years was 23-9, that isn't too bad. We didn't want him to play for us and he wanted to keep playing, SOOOO the logical end to that is he will be playing elsewhere. If he wanted to play for Minnesota it would have been pretty rough, but realize that if Green Bay extended the olive branch he'd still be here winning more games than Aaron Rodgers.

We should be thanking God that Brett didn't join the Vikings. It's common practice to stack 8 in the box vs. Purple God, AKA Adrian "All Day" Petersen. Brett Favre with 1/2 of an arm bicep could throw for 400 yards and 4 TD's a game vs. single coverage even if he's looking at Visanthe Shiancoe and Bernard Berrian.

Let Brett do whatever the fuck he wants because in WI he's earned that. He made the Packers relevant and good for the first time in 20 years. You'd have to go back to the Lombardi days to find a Packer who did as much for our area as Brett Favre, and I'd argue against anyone being as important to the Packer franchise as #4.

QUIT FUCKING CRYING ABOUT FAVRE AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

Monday, July 27, 2009

NL Central clusterfuck

So it's been awhile and since I've last wasted your time and mine the Cardinals didn't rape the free agent market and the Cubs were far from 1st place.
Basically the Brewers need to decide, and soon, if Corey Hart, and JJ Hardy will become stars like once thought three years ago, or continue to put up less than average numbers at the plate while providing good defense and frustrating shimmers of plate competency.
It's already been told to us that Alcides Escobar and Mat Gamel are both untouchable in trades, but what about Hardy and Hart? We're going to be parting with JJ sooner or later because he's not willingly moving to 3rd and if Escobar is the next coming of Ozzie Smith, guess what? JJ's isn't playing shortstop anymore. I just don't want to see another Tony Gwynn Jr. situation where we trade him for Jody Geirut and hopefully a reach around while Doug Melvin was being raped by Kevin Towers (Padres GM, I had to look it up). It's apparent that the playoffs this year are gone unless something major happens, AKA Halladay being 2009's CC, which seams possible but unlikely. Halladay has another year, just like Peavy would, but it is apparent that neither will be signed by the Brewers when the payday comes in 2011. Cliff Lee is a possibility that has a club option for only 9 million next year. Lee probably has a high asking price, but I'm sure it's significantly less than Peavy and Halladay.

I had a chance to watch Angels and Demons and thought it was a pretty decent movie. Tom Hanks running around finding random symbols and acting like a Harvard genius who enjoys the finest wines and his own stench. Too many ridiculous reaches that make no sense, but it was decent enough to hold your attention and mildly surprise you, I just didn't care enough to notice.

Anybody care to mention that the Brewers are in utter freefall right now? The 3rd worst ERA in the league is not a source of great pride. Every aspect of the team is sucking dick, so pointing fingers is kind of pointless. Felipe Lopez was a really good free agent pick-up, but he isn't going to single-handedly make the rest of the Brewers stop flailing at outside breaking balls in the dirt.

Thinking it's time to stop buying the nephews who live in MN and IL respectively Brewers clothing so they won't have to live in shame like I'm destined to. How sad is it that best case scenario according to short bus aficionado Davey Nelson is that Villanueva goes 4 innings? Four fucking innings? This isn't the Little League World Series, throw him until his fucking arm falls off and ship him to AAA for some other random who can at least throw the ball over 90 MPH. Josh Willingham can drift right back into obscurity and never hit 2 home runs in the same game again.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Bruno

Checked out Bruno this week and I will say I often had trouble looking at the screen. It was VERY funny at some parts, but REALLY weird in others. I definitely recommend seeing it if you don't mind a lot of male genitalia and uncomfortable moments.
Bottom line: Go see it, but you can wait until it's on DVD to avoid the weirdness of seeing it with others.
7.6 out of 10

Wanted- HUGE waste of time. Nothing made any sense and I really lost it after the whole bending bullets sequence. Who the fuck thought that one was a good idea? How doesn't anybody reading that piece of shit script not calmly mention that the entire premise is completely preposterous and makes absolutely no sense? SPOILER: Bad karma is killing Angelina Jolie AND Morgan Freeman in the same film. That simply can't happen in any film.
3.2 out of 10, I just couldn't get past all the stupid shit that isn't possible.

I watched the new X-Files movie because I used to think the show was really good, until Fox/ Mulder started to get phased out. I really thought it wasn't going to be very good, but it was unique. It really didn't follow any of the premises of the show but had a disenfranchised Fox Mulder being a loner and Scully being a doctor at a "religious" hospital (I don't know the real term for it). Women are disappearing in the middle of West Virginia during a harsh Winter, I swore it was set in North Dakota or something. A man is seeing visions of the murders and discovers clues based on the visions. X-Files twist he's a pederast priest, played well by Billy Connolly, the father in Boondock Saints. It was better than I thought it was going to be and I'd recommend it because it'll be on cable for free for awhile probably. Keep in mind I'm easily interested in morbid things and the X-Files, so there's bias there.
7.8 out of 10.
Editor's Note: I really think Gillian Anderson is hot.

Congrats to Prince Fielder for putting on a show and destroying a couple balls, like the 500 foot blast he sent out. Welcome to the home run derby without steroids. Pretty boring, right?

Monday, July 13, 2009

EagleEye, more like Browneye

Definitely wasted time watching EagleEye, and considering I wasn't paying full attention to it and still thought it was utter garbage. I'm going to ruin the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it hopefully convincing you to indeed NOT see the damn thing.

So Shia LaWhatever is a loser who has a genius twin brother, somehow the apple falls really far from the tree, but they don't dive into it very far. Random woman with kid also involved, they get phone calls and it tells them to do stuff and 2 hours of complete insane bullshit ensues. You find out there's an actual super computer with a random infrared eye that is connected to everything in the world calling the shots for them. Rosario Dawson is in it, but dresses like a man, so that's not even a plus. Bottom line a bunch of people can just shoot the fucking supercomputer and stop the whole fucking trainwreck.

Lady and Shia Labeouf are even in the room with the damn thing and she has a gun to kill Transformer guy with and can't even figure out just to shoot the computer. Rosario Dawson ends up stabbing the damn thing with a random stick or wood or metal and that ends it. A fucking FBI agent and the Army can't figure out just to shoot the fucking thing. Machines + bullets shot into it = machine failure. That's an equation that's existed since WWI and has seemed to work ever since. Totally ridiculous, I don't care to point out all the stupid shit because it would take the rest of tonight probably. Do NOT see this piece of shit.

3.0 out of 10, though in his defense Shia isn't too bad of an actor and is perfecting the run like hell and look scared thing.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Transformers 2 reviewed

I may be admitting to either being a 12 year-old, or having some kind of mental handicap, but I liked Transformers 2. I realize there's a bunch of stupid shit that gets in the way of giant robots beating each other, but it was still entertaining.

It's a SUMMER MOVIE. Michael Bay isn't looking to win Oscar's here, he's just looking to whip up something a bunch of people will pay money for and be entertained with. Sure it had some racist Autobots perpetuating black stereotypes along the way, but the idiot next to me found them hilarious, and they didn't really ruin anything for me. Megan Fox isn't Meryl Streep, but in the same respect Meryl Streep isn't Megan Fox. I really didn't realize much else besides staring at the embodiment of female beauty running around. Say what you will, but if you don't like Megan Fox in slow motion, there's something wrong with you. She will be the Venus de Milo of our generation where in 2,000 years they will look back and say that was what beauty was.

The movie didn't feel like 2.5 hours and had some crazy shit that was worth seeing it in the theatres. It was a big downfall to try to have some crazy story rather than Megatron having some plot to destroy earth and Optimus Prime stopping him in epic battles. Why do they make random characters rather than rolling out the old classics from the cartoon? Not rocket science on this one. I did have to ask who wrote this thing because it is BADLY written, but it is salvaged by CGI and Megan Fox. It is WAY overdramatic, pretty corny at times, and not too intelligent, but I certainly wasn't pissed about spending $6.50 at it, and I usually am.

Bottom Line: 8.2 out of 10- Go see it in theatres because you won't get awed watching this thing on a TV back home.

Random tangents: Why in the fuck are there button fly jeans for men in this world? I just bought a pair and never even thought of checking, then brought them home and may have to return them for that sole purpose. I felt like I should have to amputate my penis just for putting the things on. It takes 30 times as long as a zipper, is way more uncomfortable, and LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME. Fuck whoever made that fashionable again.

I can't listen to Kanye's music anymore because he's such an epic fuck of a human being I hate the thought of someohow validating him through his music.

I'm a fan of True Blood somehow even though I utterly dispise vampire culture and fans of it. I want to punch that Patterson dude from Twilight in the face despite not having a clue about anything in terms of him as a person. True Blood is ridiculous, but the characters are crazy and there's a bunch of sex and violence, which makes up for the stupid vampire shit.

When is the new season of South Park starting?
I just watched Frank Catalanotto get a clutch hit with 0 outs and bases juiced to pull the Brewers to 4-5, my only question is why not run on Manny Ramirez even though it was a line drive? He cares less about defense than he does his ex-teammates in Boston. He'd biff the cutoff man like he was completely wasted at a beer league all-day drinking tournament. The guy should have been a DH the last 5 years at least, like Prince Fielder's future.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Brewers meltdown

We're at the rare juncture in the season where shit isn't working out for us. If the pitching is good the hitting is garbage. If the starting pitching is good, the bullpen will undoubtedly fuck it up. Carlos Villanueva cannot be trusted in close game situations. He's great when you're up or down 3 runs during trash time, but the man loathes any kind of pressure. He crumbles like bleu cheese when pressured. Why not use Stetter, DiFelice, Coffee, or even stretch Hoffman to two innings, the All-Star break is coming up. Bottom line: FUCK.

I'm on the fence over Ryan Bruan calling out the pitching staff. It's one thing to complain if you're losing by 5 runs a game, but coming off losing 1-0 and 2-1 in extra innings probably isn't a good time to throw the pitching staff under the bus. Braun may have elevated himself to team leader, or just thrown himself into clubhouse dunce status, we'll only know after awhile. It'd help a shitload if he started hitting home runs again, minor detail.

I really think a big trade needs to be pulled possibly sending JJ someplace else. It only makes sense in small-market economics to bring up Escobar a little early. His defense is already among the best in the league despite the fact he's never been in the bigs yet and his batting is probably close to on-par with Hardy right now. Hardy will cost more to keep around then Escobar. Hart is another possibility knowing that replacing a .240 hitting right fielder is not too rough. Bill Hall can be sold for a silo of Skoal as far as I'm concerned. Maybe with Bush coming off the DL soon and Parra apparently back to something decent, we don't need anything crazy, but if there is some kind of offer that can be put together for a Jake Peavy or Roy Hallady I think it needs to get done.

The Cubs are only going to get healthier and therefore better and the Cards aren't really showing any signs of slowing down, unless someone has the stones to earhole Pujols with a fastball. I don't think it's that drastic to think that trading a few players that will probably end up being expendable really soon for a very good pitcher is not a crazy thought. There's no way Hardy and Escobar will play on the same team for very long, because one of them will NOT be happy. Get something for Hardy before it becomes apparent that he needs to be moved to make room for Escobar, apparently the next Ozzie Smith.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Andy Roddick

If you haven't seen a TV today one of the best matches ever was played at Wimbledon to decide the men's championship and our white knight Andy Roddick fell in an epic 5th set 16-14 to Roger Federer, the best player to ever pick up a racket. You can't help but feel miserable for Andy Roddick.

Roddick was an up-and-comer with an unthinkable serve and a big forehand. He then started dating Mandy Moore and has always been a popular pop-culture icon. He won the 2001 US Open and is a good tennis player based on the fact that ALMOST nobody can return his serve and he works VERY hard. I emphasize how hard he works because he's apparently in the best shape he's ever been in and I don't think any other player has worked as hard in the past few years as Roddick.

That having been said he lives in the dreaded Federer Era of tennis where all other players are obsolete besides Nadal when he's healthy, which is so rare because how he plays. Roddick has lost to Federer 3 times in the Wimbledon finals now and you can't help but feel bad for the guy. Federer mentions every time he beats him how he feels bad for Roddick because he's such a nice guy who plays as hard as he can. You never hear anything bad about him. They struggle to find words to talk about how nice he is just like they struggle to find words to describe how good Federer plays. Roddick should legitimately have 3 more majors than he does, but he can only cling to his one miraculous US Open major that he should be proud of, but lucked out to win because David Nalbandian is an epic choker.

Bottom line is Roddick seems like a guy you'd love to hang out with and he's too nice to have the horrible fate of getting shit-kicked by Federer for the rest of his career. He's 26, so sadly in tennis years he's on the downslope of his career and I think he needs our prayers. I'm being sarcastic, but I feel terrible for the guy who just isn't near as good of a player as Federer because nobody is. Hopefully his beautiful, SI swimsuit model wife Brooklyn Decker takes care of him, because he deserves only the best.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Only in America

So last night marked the green light of free agency for the NBA. The Detroit Pistons, yup, they play in the shittiest city imaginable, just spent almost $100 million dollars on two bench players. Ben Gordon, AKA The Microwave, is a VERY good scorer, but you may notice that he's best COMING OFF OF THE BENCH!! Charlie V coming from the Bucks is a soft big man who doesn't rebound, 6.7 RPG, but loves jacking 3's up like it's All-Star weekend. Auto industry failing, Pistons throwing money around like it's on fire.

Side note: The Pistons don't have a coach, they just fired Curry last week. What coach wants to walk into a room surrounded by the shitshow the Pistons have created?

I love the thought of free agency and that there is a constant bidding war for your services. It'd be awesome if real life worked like that. It always just amazes me how much money gets thrown around for not really special players. I really hope A.I. finds his way onto a contender where he can become a great 6th man/ scoring option off the bench and use his considerable talent in a limited basis to save himself and focus himself. I'm a huge Iverson fan because in his younger days he would stand taller than anyone else at 6' MAYBE as he ran at the basket with no fear before this candy-ass handcheck rule was put into effect. Anyone who fails to see that the handcheck rule sucks is an idiot. After watching the 2006 NBA Finals as Dwayne Wade spent 20 minutes a game on the foul line, I almost puked. That rule exists when Iverson was going head-to-head with the Lakers and I'd have to think the 76ers are NBA champs, probably more than once. A.I. still has averaged 27.1 PPG, only trailing MJ, Chamberlein, and Baylor on the all-time list. I've mentioned this before, but that man can BALL.

Random thought: The Brewers should do just about ANYTHING to secure Jake Peavy before the trade deadline. Maybe we can get Clay Bucholz, but Peavy knows the NL and is young and relatively cheap. Melvin shouldn't blink at shipping Hardy, Hart, or anyone besides apparently Gamel (not sure why not), and Escobar (Melvin lists them as untouchables) to get Peavy in a Cervaceros uniform. Look at it this way, Prince should be labeled Red Sox DH 2011, so the window is pretty narrow unless Mat Gamel starts hitting BIG in a hurry among a lot of other things.

I'll try to catch Transformers 2 and Public Enemies this weekend, though they've bothed been utterly bashed by media and my friends so far, but I'll give you the real story since I'm always right.