Sharapova- Kid Gloves are Off

I saw Sharapova today and the same thought plunges into my head: "How is she still considered a Russian?" If you were born in a different school district, when you moved did you still play for that team? Did your achievements count for that school? Why does she get to experience life from age 4 up in America, yet play in the Olympics and Federation Cup (Where countries play other countries in women's tennis) FOR RUSSIA? If this were during the Cold War I'm fairly certain her extended family would be murdered. She has been trained in America at the Bolliteiri Academy, most of those years as a scholarship athlete, YUP, we footed that bill. SO, Sharapova spends approximate 0 time in Russia, except when ESPN sent her over there for a touching special since she never spent anytime there since her family decided that decrepit SHITHOLE WASN'T FIT FOR HUMAN LIFE. Someone explain this one to me. It doesn't stop there since many foreign women players make this same choice (pull this same shit). Jelena Jankovic, Anna Kournikova (Free pass on that one), Martina Hingis, and I'll throw in Ana Ivanovic (there are more). How is that fair in any way, shape, or form? I love training other countries women to kick our countries ass in tennis, it's fucking brilliant. I hope they enjoy the free education as well, and hopefully they can get free health care and food stamps too for their other family members. That's a low blow, but it is totally fucking ridiculous.

Field of Dreams

A movie so beautiful it's almost painful. A movie glorifying our national past-time and the movie is even better than the game itself. It's beautiful and innocent beyond words. It's so incredibly well done I feel like you could just plug and play in actors and actresses and it wouldn't matter. I can't imagine anyone else giving James Earl Jones' speech about baseball being the one constant throughout American history though. The movie simplifies life in a way that all that truly matters is playing and enjoying baseball. It is getting some heavy rotation on Starz and it is simply a must see. It matters not if you don't like baseball, it's so much greater than that. It transcends the "sports movie" title and is truly one of the best movies of my lifetime.

9.7 out 10- Really just about as close to perfect as possible. "You wanna have a catch" is without question one of the most likely movie moments to induce grown men to tears.

X-Men First Class (Some of it may be)

I finally watched X-Men First Class at the cheap seats. It was the first of the Summer hero blockbusters (I think). It threw together an interesting cast that held up better than I expected. Michael Fassbender does an awesome job as Magneto(F. Assbender, shout out to Filmdrunk), James McAvoy was an excellent early Professor X, Kevin Bacon is a very good evil scientist/ smug asshole, I thought January Jones was great to look at, as was Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique. Lawrence has a future, she's excellent and underrated in the HOT department, which comes out when she struts around in Mystique's natural blue form, which makes an actress strut around with nothing but pasted scales on her body. Rose Byrne is very good as Moira MacTaggert, and very easy on the eyes. There is some weaknesses in the unknowns playing the teenage mutants, especially some kid named Lucas Till as Havoc. The story creates it's own story of how Professor X and Magneto came together and how the mutant vs. human shitshow began. The story is true to nothing but itself, following little from the comics or previous films. I thought it was a good story, tying in events from history to enrich the story. It gets a little out of hand and ridiculous, as one would imagine. I like how it explains things on its own rather than follow a predestined story from the comics, but it also is a betrayal to the comics. If you are an X-Men purist you may not enjoy it, but take the work on its own.

Bottom Line: 7.6 out of 10. A decent film taken on its own. I don't think it revolutionized the X-Men franchise in any way, but it left some possibility for interesting future films utilizing F.Assbender and Lawrence as its stars. I would see the film, but you can certainly wait until its on video.

Jim Thome- Hats off

Jim Thome, a man who you never hear a bad word about, just bashed his 599th & 600th home runs as a major league baseball player. It is an immortal milestone only 8 other players have ever matched. Thome has done so without the controversy of so many others of his generation. Nobody would accuse Thome of taking steroids. Not the man who won't turn down an autograph, or turn away a fan at a restaurant. He's a class act, the kind that we don't hear enough about. Jim Thome has been in the league 21 seasons, starting in 1990 as a 20 year-old third baseman. He grew into himself and became a brutally strong hitting first baseman. Like classic Henry Aaron style, he's only eclipsed 50 homers once and 40 homers six times during his heyday with the Indians. Consistency and kindness are what makes Thome unique in his accomplishments. You don't hear anyone in baseball talk badly about Jim Thome, or really anyone for that matter. A great quote was said by Joe Nathan, and really all of his Twins teammates worship Thome, ESPN didn't have to hunt very far for people to say glowing words of praise about Thome.

"He is the world's nicest man," said Twins closer Joe Nathan. "He's one of those guys that the hype is so great before you meet him, then he lives up to the hype, and more. When you see him from across the field, you think, 'He can't be that nice,' but he is. He is so genuine. There are other players that will be forgotten when they leave, but he will not be. We will be talking about him for years to come. To me, he's like [Hall of Famer] Harmon Killebrew. They are one in the same. When you meet both of those guys for the first time, you think, 'Wow, this is someone that I will be wanting to talk to on a daily basis.'"

"Jim Thome is the best," said Twins reliever Matt Capps. "I've been to dinner with him, and people come to our table, and he takes time to say hi to a kid. I've seen guys with six months in the big leagues snub a kid in a restaurant. Not Jim, and he is a first-ballot Hall of Famer. He'll talk to a guy who knew him from Cleveland in 1993. He is a role model for all of us, he is like every one of us would like to be. I'd like to get 20 years in the big leagues like him."

"He is the nicest, gentlest, kindest guy you will ever meet … to everything except the baseball, he still hits that really hard," said Twins outfielder Michael Cuddyer. "When he walks in a room, everyone watches everything he does. It's the way he treats people, it's the way he respects the game. When I heard he was re-signing with us, I was so happy for a lot of reasons, but one reason was I wanted to be there for when he hit No. 600. Every night, I would pray that I was on base when he hit his 600th home run."

I love hearing things like that about someone as great as Thome. He's an even better teammate and person than baseball player. I especially like the Killebrew comparisons. A man who tragically passed earlier this year that people were lining up to say great things about because they were compelled to do so, and it was so easy for them. I hope Thome enjoys this and continues to be an awesome person getting his farewell tour at the stadiums he's lit up with his personality and bat for all these years.

Limitless

Limitless is a movie with Bradley Cooper as a smart, but unmotivated writer who runs into his ex-wife's brother-in-law (twice removed) and he gives him a black market pill that allows you to use your brain at %100 capacity. He becomes a genius and stock market wizard, gets in with the wrong people, gets a hair cut, becomes rich. It's a pretty decent movie that moves along at a pretty good clip. Cooper is really solid as a genius and is very entertaining. Robert De Niro has a really good role as the owner of a very large energy firm who becomes Cooper's de facto boss. I liked the film, but won't be watching it again.

Bottom line: 7.2 out of 10. Certainly worth watching, just don't pay any money for it.

Cap'N AMURICA

Chris Evans falls into the jackpot and gets cast as UBER-American Captain America. This tells the tale of how a "90 lb. asthmatic" can become a super-hero. It introduces the Red Skull, played very well by always creepy and evil Hugo Weaving. It really was what I expected. Heavy on story, plot, the beginning of Captain America, and overall flowery. There is of course some dark times and not fun stuff, but it's a kids movie at heart. I was a fan, just not a huge fan. It didn't really surpass expectations, but met them very easily. It was a little ridiculous as planned, but didn't get totally out of hand, so that was commendable. They had some fun with action scenes and CGI that looked alright. It was a little insane to have technology from WWII more advanced than the shit we play with today, but it is what it is. Evans was solid, though I agree with my buddy that they should have made his voice a little weaker when he was a scrawny 90 lb. bitch. Good cast, decent story, standard summer movie throwing up some big numbers per usual.

Bottom line: 7.7 out of 10. It is definitely worth seeing, just don't pay $10. Rent, or see at the cheap seats because you aren't missing anything earth-shattering. It lays the groundwork for another monster Marvel series. The Avengers is officially loaded up and the biggest movie I can think of right now. It's going to be HUGE with the amount of money and star power that it's throwing out.

Everything Must Go- Like Will Ferrell's Career

So this film is FAAAAAARRRR, from a comedy. Will Ferrell is a recovering/ battling with sobriety VP who has just gotten fired and is in the process of being divorced. his soon to be ex-wife has just left everything he owns on the lawn and changes the locks so he has NO access to their house. He proceeds to drink PBR, sit outside, sell a few things, befriend a neighborhood kid, and befriend his new neighbor. It's overall rather boring and really an older slice-of-life picture about growing older, but not better in any way. It was rather awkward, they throw in that Ferrell was sober for a year before his colossal fuck-up that ruined his career and marriage. SO, it's not very funny needless to say, unless you're a really, really sick fuck.

Bottom line: 6.3 out of 10. It's not awful by any means, but really hard to relate to in my case. Not funny, but rather serious and depressing.

Blade Runner (In my Pants)

Blade Runner is a sci-fi classic that really gets a lot of credit and is heralded as a great film. The cinematography is very impressive, but besides being very nice to look at, it's not too great in my opinion. It follows an interesting story of the future where "Replicants", or humanoids, are created to be exactly like humans, but with super strength and a four year life where they will die regardless. Harrison Ford's character Decker is a Blade Runner, a "policeman" like person who kills renegade replicants. There are six that escaped from another planet they were slaves on, killed 23 people and escaped to Earth. Their goal is to find out how to live longer than 4 years. They bring Decker in to kill them all and it's a race between the Replicants trying to find their maker to find a "cure" for their four year lives before Decker shoots them and ends their lives before it would happen "naturally". I'm going to watch it with commentary by Ridley Scott to try to get the whole perspective, but it's a pretty weak story. Ford, Darryl Hannah, Rutger Hauer, and Edward James Almos (Jaime Escalante- HOW DO I REACH THEEESS KEEEEEEDS?) round out a decent case, with some weaknesses in some of the bit roles.

Bottom Line: 7.7 out of 10. Solid film highlighted by the cinematography and sets, but lacking in substance beyond that.

Stone

Stone is a strange character study with Edward Norton, Milla Jovovich, and Robert De Niro getting put on display. Norton is a criminal facing 10-15 for arson on his grandparents house he burned after his cousin murdered them. De Niro is a prison psychologist who holds all the cards in getting Norton (Stone) out early. Jovovich is Norton's too hot wife who whores herself to De Niro (and others) to get Stone out early. It's weird and a bit of a stretch, but it's OK. They are all really good with the exception of Norton, because it really isn't possible to see him as an uneducated, white-trash thug in my eyes. Jovovich is really good as the seductress who spends her days being a pre-school teacher, though with her night time exploits I can't imagine her being very good at it.

Bottom Line: 6.7 out of 10. Worth a free viewing on a movie channel, but I wouldn't actively search it out. Decent twists to make it interesting, and I feel a strangely religious message at the end of it.