ESPY 's= SHITTY

SO, someone explain to me how Isner vs. Mehut and their endless match of 70-68 in the 5th set was better than the career starts for Favre, or Federer's 15 major titles? I just can't fathom how it was a better achievement. It's just AWFUL that something like that could happen. Playing for a REALLY long time is not generally valued in sport. UCONN vs. Syracuse was a great game in 5 OT's, but was it the best achievement in college basketball that year? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It's meant to be an individual achievement, something to honor individual excellence. I watched this fucking match and was stoked, but for fuck's sake there's NO WAY that was a great achievement. A better achievement would've been winning 6-0, 6-0, 6-0 and not fumble fucking around with your returns.

I am just astounded at how fucking dumb it is to consider that a great achievement. Two dudes played for a long time because neither can return serve for shit compared to their must greater serves. On top of that let's not hide the fact that it as made possible only because Wimbledon does not allow a tiebreak for it's final, deciding set. A 9.5 hour match, NOT COOL.

Live blog from here on out since this IS FUCKING RETARDED

8:48pm, let's fucking OVERPLAY Jim Joyce's mistake a little more and fucking milk this clusterfuck for all it's worth.
8:48pm I hope they just start giving each other randy-handies out there.
8:49pm- Who wrote that retarded joke for Joyce? I want Galarraga to punch him in the face and fuck this stupid thing up.
8:49pm- Best moments in sport this year? George Steinbrenner's death in the running? OHHHHH, too soon for sure.
8:50pm- The ESPY's= everything that's wrong with ESPN. Pure commercialized garbage that is more about pop culture than the sports themselves. I personally blame ESPN for making The Sporting News bi-weekly and less in-depth and more bullshit articles.
8:51pm- Sweet achievement, the USA soccer team choking to a lower seed in the world cup? Why do we have to act like we give a fuck about soccer once every four years? There's no national pride involved with this bullshit.
8:52pm- Best moment? Jim Joyce doing all the real talking during the award ceremony.
8:52pm- USA soccer? How fucking dumb are we? We tied an inferior opponent to advance another round and be embarrassed by a third world country. Yippee fucking skippy.
8:53pm- Who the fuck has been inspired by Landon Donovan? I'm more inspired by him having a hot wife/girlfriend despite being 5' 5" than anything he's done on a soccer field. Fuck soccer. I can't wait until it disappears for another two years or so.
8:55pm- Would going to Stanford because they have great women's sports be the single dumbest reason to go to a University?
8:56pm- How in the fuck does the Piranha movie get enough advertising money to afford this shit?
8:59pm- ESPN is going to become to sports what MTV is to music, if it hasn't happened already. God, I hate that thought.
8:59pm- While we are getting Matt LePay for Capitol Ford, what's the rest of the USA getting?
8:59pm- I changed to "The Fly" and Jeff Goldblum was creepy even when he was young.
9:00pm- Where is Lisa Leslie going to work now that the WNBA is over? not a lot of places wanting to hire a 6'6" intimidating woman I'm guessing.
9:00pm- Who the fuck is this AWFUL girl singing? She better have won this for the "Make-A-Wish" foundation or something. She sucks ass.
9:01pm- Awesome, Twilight finds it's way to the ESPY's. That makes sense on a sports show, they did play shitty baseball in the first one.
9:01pm- Tracy Morgan: Drunk or sober?
9:02pm- I liked Tracy Morgan as Nelson Mandela. It reminded me of Dave Chappelle's "Nelson Mandela Boot Camp" skit. "Do you not think Nelson Mandela knows what this is?"
9:04pm- Eminem, welcome back to being fucking awesome. You've made it kid, the ESPY's.
9:04pm- Biggest upset? How about Butler in general? Where the fuck did those kids come from?
9:06pm- Thanks Northern Iowa for upsetting my bracket and me.
9:07pm- Ali Faroukmanesh, welcome to your last 15 minutes of fame before you are merely a funny, obscure reference for me to toss around.
9:07pm- Odds of a riot in Cedar Falls right now over this?
9:08pm- Clint Black? Who the fuck is this guy's agent? He pulled quite a coup here.
9:09pm- On the same note how the fuck did Seth Meyers get this gig? Being the 8th best person on SNL?
9:10pm- Seriously, someone name me a fucking Clint Black song off the top of their heads?
9:10pm- Zach Efron & January Jones? Here we go random make-out at the ESPY's to put them on par with MTV for dumbass shenanigans.
9:11pm- Shenanigans is a real word, and I spelled right the first time.
9:11pm- Was Bode Miller's greatest accomplishment winning tournaments wasted? I honestly think so. That, or if he qualifies for the US Open in tennis like he's trying to. I'll bet anyone 20 bucks someone under 20 beats him.
9:13pm- Odds Shaun White and Zach Efron hang out? 4/1 on it.
9:13pm- Thank you USA? Nice touch.
9:14pm- 2nd random person flash, Dara Torres. First one, Emannuelle Chriqui from Entourage. She's gorgeous, but I'm still confused on that one, like how the fuck she's with "E" on the show? Dude's made for Vinnie Chase's balls to rest in his mouth when they stand next to each other.
9:16pm- Gatorade's new work-out plan will only cost you $10 a game/workout, how can you afford not to?
9:16pm- Thank you Old Spice for keeping comedy in commercials.
9:17pm- Switched back to the Fly to watch Geena Davis in a shoulder padded blazer, I want that brought back, immediately.
9:18pm- Another fucking Piranha movie commercial? FML. Ving Rhames doesn't turn down anything apparently.
9:19pm- Arthur Ashe was truly amazing as an athlete/humanitarian/world-changer.
9:19pm- Brett Favre is going to upstage Ashe and his award by announcing he'll be playing this year. Just wait for it.
9:20pm- Narrated by Keifer Sutherland, some of the best words in our language. Narrated by Morgan Freeman barely eclipses it. If Keifer was doing it as Jack Bauer I retract that statement about Freeman. He makes me want to start smoking menthol's like a fiend.
9:21pm- Why do tornado's never hit big cities? Anyone know about that one?
9:22pm- I wish ESPN did a piece like this every day. Bob Costas can introduce it every time. He made me want to cry, cheer, and laugh before the NBA Finals games in the 90's.
9:23pm- FYI, I used to hate running out of the tunnel, a slow jog, or a Remember the Titans like chant would've been approved over the crazed sprint.
9:24pm- Even the 911 dispatcher was crushed by the news.
9:25pm- Being from a small town, this is a nightmare that people would talk about forever.
9:27pm- That's a little greater class shown by the Thomas' in comparison to the Joyce vs. Galaragga suck-fest.
9:28pm- Tearing up for sure on this one. Damn near crying.
9:29pm- So well done, just so well done.
9:30pm- Incredible stuff with the Thomas family.
9:31pm- What a great speech of humility and heart. That's a strong kid right there.
9:32pm- Thank God I will leave the ESPY's with something positive. This seriously bailed out the ESPY's from the rest of the shit I witnessed.
9:33pm- I want this speech on youtube immediately following this. SO WELL DONE.
9:36pm- Jackie Brown is my new "flip to when commercials are on" channel. Sam Jackson is simply awesome. He's made for Quentin Tarantino. He's as intense, only without the hallucinogenic drugs as Tarantino.
9:37pm- Why did he put the pony-tail and shitty goatee on Sam Jackson? Mike Keaton playing a minor role. Pretty swell.
9:39pm- Best female olympic athlete? Can it get more specific? Can I be put in for best Jacksonville Jaguars fan living in the Madison area next year?
9:40pm- Vuvuzela, burn in hell for eternity.
9:40pm- Will Ferrell, please make this funny before I get pissed off.
9:41pm- Not too pleased so far.
9:44pm- Really never laughed at this thing at all. Please make it stop. OH, Janell Monet, or whatever the fuck. AWESOME, I honestly thought it couldn't get worse.
9:45pm- That's why Emannuelle Chirqui was on earlier? Pairing her with Mahk WAHLbahg is the best idea EVAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
9:46pm- I don't like her talking. God I hope that wasn't scripted and Mark Wahlberg was saying Emannuelle Chriqui is going to get dirty in Entourage just to further promote the only thing going good in his life.
9:48pm- Is Diana Taurasi a lesbian? I always assumed so, but I really hope not. Maybe we could've hung out in OWI class together.
9:48pm- Does Serena even put those things on her mantle?
9:49pm- Lindsey Vonn? Didn't see that one coming. Once again America fucks up.
9:49pm- I honestly thought after she called Wahlberg "Marky Mark", he was going to punch her in the face. She's probably too tall.
9:50pm- She has a husband? Her fan base was just reduced by 5/6.
9:50pm- Early favorite for best team: UCONN Women's huskies. All they do is kick the shit out of everyone else, what other team dominated as such?
9:54pm- Thinking about getting NCAA 2011 because running the option brings me SO much joy. I think I'd try to take the Air Force to a BCS Bowl.
9:55pm- PIRANHA 3D, SON OF A BITCH.
9:57pm- That parody of The Blindside was just awesome. Peyton Manning just keeps winning me over sadly. I used to just hate him, but after SNL and his commercials it's just extreme dislike.
10:02- Brooklyn Decker is too gorgeous to be real. Andy Roddick proves he's better than Roger Federer at life, fuck tennis if you go home to that at night.
10:02pm- You think Lewis is nervous? Notice Favre doesn't thank God?
10:04pm- Sam Jackson introducing an award= EPIC
10:05pm- Robert Evans, another voice for narration created by smoking cigarettes like Edward R. Murrow.
10:06pm- This was supposed to end at 10:00pm FYI ESPN
10:07pm- Cancer treatments are damn near as awful as the disease itself.
10:09pm- Please be seated? He's ready to get down to brass tacks here.
10:10pm- Dirty secret not talked about enough is that chemo is so harsh it makes you sterile. It's poison thrown into you with the thought in mind that cancerous cells eat the poison faster than healthy cells. You just can't have so much chemo that it kills enough of your healthy cells to kill you. Brilliant isn't it?
10:12pm- I'm all for cancer research, but the Government matching donations dollar for dollar? All causes would really enjoy that, but for being a few trillion dollars in the hole that just doesn't seem like the best idea.
10:13pm- Once again, why wasn't this done at 10pm again?
10:18pm- Luke Olson, you were once in Old School, what the fuck happened to your career? You're garbage.
10:20pm- Drew Brees has 3 ESPY's tonight? Is that on par with the Godfather winning 7 Oscars?
10:21pm- Thanking his O-Line, that's a smart man.
10:22pm- Why is Kenny Chesney announcing best team? Clint Black & Kenny Chesney? How did country music pull this shit off?
10:24pm- I retract the UCONN Statement, I'm thinking the Saints got this one in the bag. I should've known better than to bet on a women's team.
10:25pm- Kobe's still a douche bag
10:25pm- Yup, the Aint's and Breesus. If you pay for that many plane tickets and accommodations you better win.
10:27pm- Who the fuck is Janelle Monet? Seth Meyers, your career is only downhill from here kid.